K To The WHY.

posted by on 12/07/2011 | 2,893 comments (leave one of your own)

I found a post I had saved to my draft folder and when I opened it up, it said “KY”.


This was to serve as a reminder to tell you about the lady in front of me at a store


that will apparently let you return anything. Like an opened box of KY.

I was returning a lamp shade. Not something that may or may not been uh, used.

You might be all, “Zakary (you can call me Zakary, it’s cool), how did you know it was opened?” From my spot in line directly behind her, I could tell the box was not closed. I mean, the top of the box was mutilated, like it had been mauled by a bear.


Upon further discussing this event with the Whore Pit Viper, she pointed out that perhaps there are other uses for said JELLY and perhaps it didn’t work as well as the purchaser originally thought.

For those of you that don’t know, Whore Pit Viper is a lawyer and likes to argue and defend make valid points when it comes to all situations and events that occur on Earth. I find this trait mildly annoying and I refer to her as Whore Pit Viper because it aggravates her. (She is actually very nice, just a tad argumentative.)

Upon even further discussing this with Google, I discovered that you can indeed use the aforementioned JELLY for all types of things:


1.  Place JELLY in refrigerator and then treat your puffy eye bags
2.  Hair gel
3.  LIP GLOSS (I just can’t)
4.  Untangle tangled necklaces
5.  Shine patent leather
6.  Make fake glowing slime just like they did in Predator (true story)
7.  Cuticle softener
8.  Use to make your own snow globe (UH)
9. Remove chewing gum from hair

Clearly the woman returning the opened box of JELLY was making snow globes for holiday gifts and bought a tad too much.

I hope.

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