When Skies Are Grey.

posted by on 04/29/2011 | 2,580 comments (leave one of your own)

I have sung You Are My Sunshine every night to Zoe since she was born. I know the first two verses only and I only know those thanks to that scene in Beaches where Bette Midler is driving her sick lawyer BFF to the duh, beach. When Zoe was a tiny baby, she despised bedtime with the fire of a thousand suns. The only way I could get her to sleep was by singing that song over and over.  And it was enough. When Zoe was in the hospital in January and we were trying to swallow the big, bad diabetes diagnosis, I slept with her every night in that too small hospital bed. I sang that song over and over, hating that second verse with all my might.

***

We bought Zoe a necklace for her tenth birthday, I ordered it a few months before, I knew exactly what I wanted.  She was discharged from the hospital three days before her big day and there was no time to shop for gifts or plan a party.  I went to the store the morning of her birthday and bought supplies for “diabetes friendly cupcakes” because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and the internet told me I should make them.  I was a wreck and I’m pretty sure I left out some ingredients because these cupcakes were whack. The ingredients that did make it in: Splenda, unsweetened applesauce, flax seed oil and sour cream, ingredients that really have no business being in a tasty cupcake.   (Note: Diabetic children can have regular cupcakes, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.)

I realized while wrapping Zoe’s gifts, and sobbing, don’t forget the sobbing, that my best girl only had two presents from us.  Your tenth birthday is a big deal, I mean, double digits.  I hoped that it would be enough.

When she opened the necklace, she stared at it for a long time and asked me if I could help her put it on.  She hugged me tight, so tight that I knew she understood.  She looked up at me and told me she never wanted to take it off.

***

Last Friday, I went up to school at lunch time to help Zoe with her dosing, not that she needs my help.  When she walked into the office, I could tell something was wrong.  She told me that she lost part of her necklace, the necklace we had given her.  She was trying not to cry, ten year olds don’t cry in front of the school secretary.  I told her I would help her find it, I mean, it had to be at school, right?  We retraced her steps down the hall, back to her class and to the bathroom.  No luck.  She then said that she noticed it was missing during PE while they were on the track.

Once we were outside, I mentioned that it might be gone and I would just order her another necklace.  Zoe stopped and told me with tears in her eyes that it wouldn’t be the same.  And I knew exactly what she meant.

I sent her back inside to eat lunch and I walked that track for well over a hour looking, searching for that tiny piece of metal.  As I traipsed around, over and beside the track, I became increasingly angry.  She’s just a little girl and why does she have to have such shitty luck?  It seems no matter what, I can’t make it right, it is never enough.

I drove home in tears, I even stopped on our corner and searched the ground around the bus stop.  Nothing.  I decided I would email the lady that made the necklace and ask if she could make another and hopefully Zoe would understand.  Sometimes we lose things and it happens.  The thought of that made me cry harder because it seems like that’s all I tell her anymore.  Diabetes?  It happens.  You go low and have to have juice? It happens.  Prick your fingers numerous times a day and take insulin just to stay alive?  It happens.  I just don’t know anything anymore, I don’t know what the hell I am doing.

Later, as I am making her bed, I pull back her sheet and quilt and there it was:  I found it.  I found her necklace.

And on that day, it was more than enough.

found.

    Comments
  • vivoslot.online


    Hello! I could have sworn I’ve visited this website before but after browsing through many of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m certainly delighted I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and checking back regularly!

  • find this


    I agree with your opinion. From now on I will always support you.

  • slot vivo


    Next time I read a blog, Hopefully it does not fail me as much as this one. After all, I know it was my choice to read through, however I genuinely believed you’d have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of moaning about something you can fix if you were not too busy looking for attention.

  • Theodore Mclane


    Hi, I do think this is an excellent website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I may revisit yet again since i have book-marked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

  • Young Foster


    Greetings! Very useful advice in this particular article! It’s the little changes that produce the most significant changes. Many thanks for sharing!

  • generative adversarial network


    Great article! We will be linking to this great article on our website. Keep up the great writing.

  • login vivoslot


    After checking out a handful of the articles on your web page, I seriously appreciate your way of blogging. I book marked it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Please visit my website too and tell me what you think.

  • mah na mah na


    usually posts some incredibly interesting stuff like this. If you are new to this site

  • buy cbd online


    The information and facts talked about inside the article are several of the best obtainable

  • コスメ通販


    I absolutely love your website.. Great colors & theme. Did you develop this amazing site yourself? Please reply back as I’m looking to create my own blog and want to learn where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Kudos!

  • login vivo slot


    I needed to thank you for this great read!! I definitely loved every bit of it. I have got you bookmarked to look at new things you post…

  • window cleaning Bondi


    Hi it’s me, I am also visiting this website regularly, this web page is truly good and the users are genuinely sharing pleasant thoughts.|

  • download visoslot


    Saved as a favorite, I really like your blog!

  • daftar slot vivoslot


    Hello there! This article couldn’t be written much better! Looking through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept talking about this. I am going to forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a very good read. Thanks for sharing!

  • vivoslot


    You made some really good points there. I checked on the internet for more info about the issue and found most people will go along with your views on this site.

  • download apk vivoslot


    You ought to take part in a contest for one of the greatest blogs on the internet. I most certainly will recommend this website!

  • kbc lottery


    After looking into a number of the blog posts on your blog, I truly like your technique of blogging. I book-marked it to my bookmark site list and will be checking back soon. Take a look at my web site too and tell me your opinion.|

  • Diego Atterberry


    You ought to take part in a contest for one of the highest quality blogs online. I most certainly will recommend this blog!

  • slot vivo


    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you penning this write-up plus the rest of the website is also really good.

  • Download from here


    It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or tips. Maybe you could write next articles referring to this article. I desire to read more things about it!|

  • aplikasi vivoslot


    You have made some really good points there. I looked on the net for additional information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site.

  • https://abcviag.com/


    cialis cost 20mg
    viagra effects on women
    olanzapine online Bow grory

  • agen judi vivoslot


    You should be a part of a contest for one of the highest quality blogs on the net. I will recommend this website!

  • outdoor projector enclosures


    Hello i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this paragraph i thought i could also make comment due to this sensible article.|

  • k an cap noi dung


    No matter if some one searches for his vital thing, thus he/she desires to be available that in detail, thus that thing is maintained over here.|

  • slot deposit pulsa 5000


    Aw, this was a very good post. Spending some time and actual effort to produce a superb article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and don’t seem to get nearly anything done.

  • slot deposit pulsa


    Pretty! This was a really wonderful post. Thanks for providing these details.

  • freertos professional developers


    The next time I read a blog, I hope that it won’t fail me as much as this particular one. I mean, Yes, it was my choice to read, but I really thought you would probably have something interesting to talk about. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something you could possibly fix if you were not too busy looking for attention.

  • Williakqiu


    sister helps with too much viagra
    buy viagra online https://xs.ke/UjoJ rxtrust pharm
    is viagra a testosterone product

  • judi pulsa


    This site was… how do you say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something which helped me. Many thanks!

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *