It’s Like Amelia Bedelia Just With More Crafts And Swearing.

posted by on 02/18/2011 | 253 comments (leave one of your own)

I would like to apologize for going off the radar this week, usually that means that someone came down with some rare rash that the doctor has to Google (side eye to Troy and more on that next week) or is hospitalized (side to Troy and Zoe). Not to worry, something much bigger was going on here for the last seven days:

MY HUSBAND IS ON VACATION. AND HAS BEEN IN THE HOUSE WITH ME ALL DAY AND NIGHT.

Don’t get me wrong, I very much love the shit out of my asian husband.

It’s just I think I love him more when he isn’t effing staring at me 24/7.

Also, we ran out of things to talk about Monday around six p.m.

My day is pretty chill, I handle the basics and the basics mean that I do just enough housework to simulate deep cleaning and I participate in internet usage throughout the day.

Allow me to walk you through a standard day around here. This mock schedule is only when Zoe is in school and I don’t have random appointments to take random people (my children) to and from.

7:40-ZDub wakes up, 50% of the time in her bed, maybe in Zoe’s bed, maybe in Troy’s bed, maybe on the couch.

7:45-Check email, Twitter, Facebook on phone.

8:00-Check Zoe’s glucose and give insulin.

8:05-Slam a cup of coffee, take thyroid meds.

8:15-Take Zoe breakfast in bed. Like I’m goddamn Amelia Bedelia.

8:30-Pack lunches.

8:45-Drive Zoe to school.

9:00 to 11:20-Take care of Troy, pour cleaning products in a few toilets, start laundry and enjoy the shit out of the internet.

11:30-Drive back to school to give Zoe more insulin.

11:45-3:45-Vaccuum, eat lunch with Troy, playtime, enjoy more internet.

Some people might view this as “unproductive”, I refer to it as “getting through my life” and what Jeff doesn’t realize is that I have important stuff to do.  Enjoying the internet includes working, paying bills, researching important things related to dire-betes, corresponding with people like Zoe’s dire-betes nurse and watching the funniest video known to humans.

When Jeff is home on vacation, he wants to do things like eat leisurely meals and sit next to me and go places. So for this week, that’s what I have been doing. Leisurely meals? I made them. Sitting next to me means I can’t look at my laptop and have to talk or stand in the garage and clean or look at his motorcycle (OH GOD). Going places? We’ve gone to the hardware store to shop for a cast iron sink, a towel bar and bolts for his motorcycle, taken Troy to the dentist and taken the cars to the mechanic.

Don’t cry for my Argentina because tonight? I GET TO GO TO WORK. It’s imagine it is what prisoners feel like when they are paroled.

I’ve typed 500 words to basically get to the whole reason for sitting in my bathroom sneaking computer time to show you what I made:

I totally made this.

If that isn’t the most amazing piece of squirrel art, I don’t know what is.

Happy Weekend, See you next week when I am unsupervised (side eye to Jeff),

ZDub

Check out my post for GE, I’m giving away two LED bulbs that last for 20 years, I wrote it during the 14 minutes I was allotted to use the computer this week.  Please read the directions; no one is following the directions.

    Comments
  • wonderchris


    Oh, the honey badger – that’s good stuff.

    Love the squirrel art.

    You saw this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cds7lSHawAw&feature=player_embedded#at=66

    Happy weekend!

  • Nikki


    This post cracked me up from the first sentence!

    The squirrel is so cute! 🙂

  • caiona


    Ok, so when I clicked on the link to “funniest video known to humans” I came across another You Tube video…

    It is a must watch….it is our new Dance at the bank..

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dm7yAWpX1Mc&feature=related

    If this link doesn’t work, search Double Dream Hands and watch….

  • MissCaron


    Amazing skills Z-dub!

  • Kerri.


    “Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit; it just takes what it wants.”

    I love that video.

  • Elaine


    That honey badger is one tough Biatch.

    And also, what is UP with our husband’s wanting to spend time with us? Don’t they know we have other stuff to do? gah. ;P

    Love your squirrel art – you need a squirrel etsy shop…

  • kim


    LOL, I feel like that when my husband is home, too. Yay, a whole weekend, just the 4 of us, 48 whole hours… I need to go now and put on a load of laundry and clean the kitchen.

    Oh and you are crafty! 😉

  • Jennifer


    “Honey badger don’t care.” I can’t wait to show this to my 15 year old daughter. She will love it.

  • adventuresinbabywearing


    Oh you are too much. Tell it like it is, sister!

    And I had NOT seen that video. omg he walks backwards.

    Steph

  • Lisa


    First of all, bring on the swearing. I’m all for it. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked at my blog, but all the non-swear words are ONLY there so that the swear words will flow better.

    Secondly, do you have that thing where if your husband is home on a work day, you feel like you have to be more productive than usual? I feel in a weird way like I have to let him see me doing busy work just so that I can prove that it’s worth it to have me staying at home. AS IF THESE TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AREN’T REASON ENOUGH.

    And lastly, awesome squirrel art. You’re the master.

  • Mo


    Husband at home during the day=scratch my own eyes out.

    Like, this is MY HOUSE now. I love you, but WHY ARE YOU HERE??

  • Chris at yardsalequeen.com


    I feel your pain. The day my DH retires is the day I start looking for fulltime work.

  • Jodi Edwards Wright


    Mother Hen is in LOVE with the squirrel. (Don’t tell Father Rooster…who BTW, is at home a LOT. It is a wonder MH gets ahything done!)

    MH thinks she is more badass than the honey badger. Just sayin’.
    Check out this video for fun!

    http://youtu.be/hNoS2BU6bbQ

    Yours hilariously,
    Mother Hen

  • Heather of the EO


    that is the best squirrel art I’ve ever seen.

    and when we moved, the first thing on the list of things to do was 1. find husband office outside of home.
    he does software stuff so he can work from anywhere, including home. But no, not according to me, he can’t work from home.

  • Christina


    That is precisely why I only do stuff I enjoy while my husband is out of the house. I feel his judgmental eyes glaring at me. And yet, I sit silently while he searches for new wood floors, guns, and checks his fantasy basketball team for hours on end.

  • Teisha


    I’ve often had ‘discussions’ with my Hubs regarding the fact that he’s never ever home. He’s usually playing with his cows or ‘checking crops’ or something to that effect BUT then when he’s home for, like, hours at a time I kind of want to stab him, in the most lovingly way possible of course.

    And, your day does not sound unproductive AT ALL. It actually sounds like you’re a fabulous mama just doin’ her mama duty while keeping her sanity one squirrel at a time.

  • Anne-Marie


    Ok, I seriously love that that is the video you posted because a friend of mine showed me that same video this weekend. I think we watched it at least 5 times in a row.

    “Ewww, gross! That’s disgusting!”

  • beaux


    Wait a minute, I thought Nascar was on.

  • Lisa


    O-M-G, why do we feel guilty for internet usuage? And you, my friend, are hilariously brilliant.

  • Anne


    I love Amelia Bedelia!
    My nephew also gets breakfast in bed because he’s hypoglycemic (?? my dog knows more about medicine than I do). If they don’t wake him up early enough he won’t wake up–that sounds sinister but he’s just unconscious? Anyway, I’m telling this to you so you know you’re not alone–which I know you keep hearing, but still, you’re not and this reader cares about your family and your little breakfast-in-bed eater.

  • beachbungalow8


    thank you. I needed a good gufaw today. And of course, you never fail to serve me.

    *god a i love that narrator. I want to hang out with him.

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