Archive for October, 2010

Why I Shouldn’t Use The Computer At Night.

posted by on 10/29/2010

OK, so it looks like it’s turning into Squirrel Friday around here, you know, like Casual Fridays but with less blue jeans and more squirrel. That sentence really makes absolutely no sense, but it’s after midnight and I just got home from work. I also drank some coffee and I need to decorate 40 effing cake balls (more on that later if it works) and I’m trying to hammer out this post because OMG Y’ALL, I THINK NAPOLEON HAD BABIES.

So here’s the 411. I have a large picture window in my kitchen and where our “eat-in breakfast area” is located. Or as I like to call it, the place I dump clean laundry and where you go when you need socks and pants. And all of your clothes in general. My squirrel feeders are directly outside the large window and I monitor it closely throughout the day since I can see them while loading the dishwasher or making lunch or dumping the contents of the dryer all over the kitchen table.

You can pretty much spot a squirrel any given hour of the day around these parts. Now normal brown squirrels are cute and all, but Napoleon is my number one ninja. I have yet to see Napoleon eat out of the feeder with my own eyes, but I know he totally does. I’ve seen him creep up on it, but as soon as he sees gross brown squirrels, he jams. He’s pretty much all, “I simply cannot forage for delicious sustenance along side the common folk” because Napoleon is special and he knows it. And also maybe a tiny bit British. He’s probably smarter than I am because I bet you a bag of squirrel food Napoleon doesn’t require assistance from google to spell “sustenance”.

I looked out my window earlier this week and I almost fell out because Napoleon was perched on my feeder. Eating!  Next to a brown squirrel!  I looked again and realized it was a little bitty version of Napoleon, like when your husband who isn’t allowed to touch your laundry dries your favorite tshirt from Gap in the dryer on HIGH and it comes out looking like it would be a half shirt on Webster.

teeny black squirrel

We have several options here.

1. Napoleon is a female and totally had babies.
2. Napoleon is a father.
3. Napoleon’s nieces and/or nephews are visiting.
4. Napoleon has spread the word throughout the forest underground that ZDub’s Squirrel Sanctuary is totally money. Like a resort.

Either way, it’s a gift for all of us to enjoy.

P.S. Join me here on Monday, I’m going to have some wicked stuff to share. And pictures too. My Halloween costume was meant to grace your eyeballs.

P.P.S Unless Napoleon learns to roller skate then all bets are off.



It’s Halloween, Pass My Medication.

posted by on 10/27/2010

I love Halloween to pieces, LOVE it. I decided that we would host a Halloween party this weekend for kids and adults and the only rule is you must come in a costume. And bring your own booze because our friends know how to have a good time and I would probably have to take out a loan to keep everyone supplied with fun juice. Jeff also informed me that a fog machine for the front porch is absolute not necessary, but I beg to differ. It’s about ambience, you know, really raising the spook factor. Plus, I already bought it and it’s in the backseat of my truck.

And since I’m apparently a masochist, I am the classroom party planner for Zoe’s class and our first party is Friday. You know, the day before our own party at home. Not only did I have to decided what we are eating and delegate who brings what to Zoe’s party, I have to come up with a craft and a few games. I feel like I am in the middle of a party tornado and they are starting to blend together in my brain. I have party stress overload and I really hope I don’t show up at Zoe’s party with a tray of jello shots and yell, “OK kids, gather around, now it’s time for beer pong!”

To add to my party stress ZDub freak out, I haven’t been sleeping well. When we unpacked the Halloween decorations and whatnot a few weeks ago, the kids ran across a stuffed animal that I should have thrown out years ago. By throw out, I mean SET ON FIRE. Zoe’s dad bought it for her when she was one, as in nine years ago and it was manufactured by Satan himself. The damn thing goes off in the middle of the night by itself and last night?

Troy slept with it.

I think I had 3 separate heart attacks. Go ahead and watch this. Please note it MOVES. Also, we named it Murder Pumpkin Happy Face Witch Doll.

I know you are thinking, “ZDub, just take the batteries out”. I tried. It’s batteries are in a compartment that doesn’t open. At all. For nine years, it has had the same set of batteries. I think it actually runs on terror and tears.

murder pumpkin happy face witch doll.