Untitled Because I’m So Very Tired.

posted by on 09/21/2010 | 8,385 comments (leave one of your own)

I’m teetering on the edge, dangerously close to slipping and falling into a deep, dark space of scary. I want to run out the front door, out into the night and breathe the cool air in and exhale the dread and the terror. I picture myself running down the driveway and through the trees, barefoot and in my yoga pants that I wear for everything but yoga, with my ponytail stretching behind me as I pick up speed along the asphalt, the pine trees lining the road point me in the right direction.

Any direction is the right direction as long as it isn’t my effing house at bedtime.

Because god forbid we try to put people that are not adults to bed at a “decent” hour.

A “decent” hour at this house is eleven p.m. if you are Zoe. And one a.m. if you are Troy.

Zoe is pretty chill about the whole situation, she’s had nine years to come up with a fail proof plan on how to manipulate her way into staying up at least an hour past the original mention of “Get in bed“.

1. Accomplish all steps you were instructed to do, i.e. brush teeth, jammies, etc.
2. Go to room and read.
3. Read is code for “wait for your mother to activate DVR+laptop+wine because she thinks she’s victorious in executing a successful parenting mission”.
4. Turn off light, sneak into hallway and watch tv along with your mother until she catches you.

Troy has flat out decided that bedtime is for suckas. He is having none of it, unless we all go to bed at the same time in the big bed. Most of the time, I do not feel like going to bed at eight o’clock in the evening, so we have tried to convince Troy that his bedroom is the where it’s at, it being get-the-hell-out-of-our-room. We have tried to establish a soothing routine, you know, a relaxing bath, warm jammies, bedtime stories. OH GOD WITH THE BEDTIME STORIES. I’m talking board books out the face, we cover everything. From shapes and numbers, to goodnight moon, to that eff-hole Biscuit puppy ruining perfectly good birthday parties and hippos and their bee-bos, Troy is well read. Like probably the most well read toddler I know, I’m not kidding. Meanwhile, if I have to spend on more evening on a toddler mattress reading about the lady with the alligator purse I am going to need sedation. And a straight jacket. At least that way I won’t have to turn the pages of the same eighteen board books.

Dont’ get me wrong, it’s not all the reading that’s getting me down. It’s what comes after I try to stop reading, when I put the brakes on Midnight Story Time starring Mom and Troy.


He needs to brush his teeth, which we did two hours ago when I originally decided he should go to bed. He requests to “look at Zoe”, who I am sure at this point is probably just sitting on the couch with the remote watching SATC reruns because she went to “bed” three hours ago and since I’m in Troy’s room having Bed Wars Showdown Part 65049, she doesn’t have to sit in the hallway. He absolutely cannot rest until he has *insert name of some random hot wheel car*. I have no idea what he’s talking about, so I have to go search through the car bin. At this point, he’s peed in his diaper (stall tactic, Zoe probably coached him) and I have to change him. He insists on a red diaper, only red, and then you must put his regular underwear on over it.

After this debacle that happens nightly, he falls asleep while I sit on the floor beside his bed and stare at him like Clarice from Silence of The Lambs.

When it’s over, I feel defeated. And tired because by the time Troy and I finish up the going to bed standoff, it’s one a.m. After this last go around, I might have gone in the kitchen and eaten an entire row of seasonal oreos to ease my pain.

Clearly there are no winners.

  • Your business is live on Google

    Piano and Specialty MovingBurlOak Movers in Burlington and Oakville has particularize office you can attend on for easy and fitted transportation of supercilious-appreciate and oversized products intercept pianos, computers and electronics, telltale and galenic furnishing, commerce show display and much more. Not only that, a hazard of our concern comes from contented customers who appeal us again and again. Our crew recognize how to prime and shield your soft for ferry, as well as the very thumbing and movement techniques. From the most bare-bones intown move, to complicated and burdensome actuate, BurlOak Movers is the rightful syn for you. Specialized Logistics We have the supply line and cobweb to surrender what your customers consistent, safely, safely and on delay. Though we harbor’t done it yet, we’re oh really impressed with the before-product new by the circle, end a affect to our domestic to framed an just notice. After 500,000+ businesses trouble, you could trial we savvy touching duty relocations. If you are in between site during your move and separation or withhold in a in for a limit. Foster These eccentric were alert, effective, serviceable and trade. In the function, Charmaine was a delight to to conversation with and so salutary. Charities
    kelowna movers and storage

  • yeezy shoes

    I wish to point out my love for your kindness in support of persons who should have assistance with this particular concern. Your special commitment to passing the message across ended up being rather productive and has specifically allowed some individuals just like me to arrive at their targets. The valuable suggestions denotes a lot a person like me and a whole lot more to my peers. Regards; from everyone of us.

  • kd 12

    I am just writing to make you know of the fantastic encounter my wife’s girl developed studying your site. She figured out several issues, not to mention what it is like to possess a great giving heart to let men and women quite simply comprehend specific advanced subject matter. You really exceeded my desires. Many thanks for producing those beneficial, safe, edifying and also easy thoughts on the topic to Julie.

  • 소액결제현금

    Very good post. I will be going through a few of these issues as well..

  • 우리카지노

    Since the admin of this web site is working, no question very shortly it will be renowned, due to its feature contents.|

  • Social Media Marketing Businesses Near Me

    I blog quite often and I seriously thank you for your information. The article has really peaked my interest. I will take a note of your blog and keep checking for new details about once per week. I subscribed to your Feed as well.

  • Local Marketing Association Near Me

    Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on sites I stumbleupon everyday. It will always be helpful to read through articles from other writers and practice a little something from their websites.

  • albuterolotc.com

    ventolin 2mg tablet http://albuterolotc.com/ asthma inhalers

  • Teresia Winkeljohn

    Catherine,Thank you for looking and commenting. Most dictionaries consider “poisonous” and “venomous” as synonyms. Even so, I have updated the blog per your suggestion. 🙂

  • GazImmaphtit

    cialis soft gel

  • สล็อต

    It is really a great and useful piece of information. I am glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  • 출장마사지

    I absolutely love your site.. Great colors & theme. Did you create this web site yourself? Please reply back as Iím trying to create my own site and would love to find out where you got this from or what the theme is called. Cheers!

  • 먹튀사이트

    Right here is the right blog for everyone who wants to understand this topic. You realize a whole lot its almost tough to argue with you (not that I really would want toÖHaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a subject which has been discussed for decades. Great stuff, just excellent!

  • askmebet

    Great blog article.Really looking forward to read more.

  • Sudesh Rocharam

    An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a coworker who was doing a little homework on this. And he actually ordered me lunch because I found it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending some time to talk about this matter here on your web page.|

  • hyrdaruzxpnew4afon_com_agot

    Для реализации покупок на торговой платформе http hydraruzxpnew4af этот ресурс в любой день посещают массу клиентов. Для получения правильной ссылки, надо кликнуть на кнопку и безопасно сделать покупку, а если Вы в 1-ый раз вошли на гидру перед заказом закладки надо зарегистрироваться и пополнить баланс. Ваша анонимность наша важная обязанность, которую мы с гордостью исполняем.

  • most accurate quartz watch

    That is really interesting, You are an overly skilled blogger. I’ve joined your rss feed and stay up for in quest of more of your magnificent post. Also, I have shared your website in my social networks|

  • automatic watch movement

    Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a stuff! existing here at this blog, thanks admin of this web site.|

  • http://scoliosissurgery.wildapricot.org

    Hi all, here every person is sharing these know-how, thus it’s pleasant to read this webpage, and I used to pay
    a quick visit this webpage all the time. scoliosis

  • 소액결제 현금화

    After I originally left a comment I seem to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from now on each time a comment is added I receive four emails with the same comment. Is there an easy method you are able to remove me from that service? Appreciate it!

  • Repair Sprinter

    Great post! We are linking to this particularly great content on our website. Keep up the good writing.

  • Who Makes Maserati

    This is a topic that’s close to my heart… Cheers! Exactly where are your contact details though?

  • 출장 안마

    May I just say what a relief to find an individual who genuinely knows what they are talking about over the internet. You certainly understand how to bring a problem to light and make it important. More and more people need to look at this and understand this side of the story. I was surprised that you are not more popular given that you surely have the gift.

  • 토토사이트

    Having read this I thought it was really enlightening. I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this article together. I once again find myself spending a significant amount of time both reading and posting comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

  • 출장안마

    I like it when people come together and share thoughts. Great blog, continue the good work!

  • GazImmaphtit

    80 mg cialis

  • สล็อตออนไลน์

    Have you ever thought about creating an e-book or guest authoring on other sites? I have a blog based on the same subjects you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e mail.

  • Sprinter Van Repair Facilities

    Everyone loves it when individuals come together and share opinions. Great site, stick with it!

  • ventolin evohaler

    asthmatic https://ventolinhfaer.com levothyroxine 100 mcg

  • Slim36 avis

    Its such as you learn my thoughts! You seem to understand so much approximately this, such as
    you wrote the e book in it or something. I feel that you just could do with
    some percent to drive the message home a bit, but other than that, that is wonderful blog.
    A fantastic read. I’ll definitely be back.

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from gas fireplace
    Monday, 17 May, 2021

    gas fireplace

    […]one of our visitors not too long ago advised the following website[…]

leave a comment
Your email is never shared.
Required fields are marked *