Untitled Because I’m So Very Tired.

posted by on 09/21/2010 | 8,338 comments (leave one of your own)

I’m teetering on the edge, dangerously close to slipping and falling into a deep, dark space of scary. I want to run out the front door, out into the night and breathe the cool air in and exhale the dread and the terror. I picture myself running down the driveway and through the trees, barefoot and in my yoga pants that I wear for everything but yoga, with my ponytail stretching behind me as I pick up speed along the asphalt, the pine trees lining the road point me in the right direction.

Any direction is the right direction as long as it isn’t my effing house at bedtime.

Because god forbid we try to put people that are not adults to bed at a “decent” hour.

A “decent” hour at this house is eleven p.m. if you are Zoe. And one a.m. if you are Troy.

Zoe is pretty chill about the whole situation, she’s had nine years to come up with a fail proof plan on how to manipulate her way into staying up at least an hour past the original mention of “Get in bed“.

1. Accomplish all steps you were instructed to do, i.e. brush teeth, jammies, etc.
2. Go to room and read.
3. Read is code for “wait for your mother to activate DVR+laptop+wine because she thinks she’s victorious in executing a successful parenting mission”.
4. Turn off light, sneak into hallway and watch tv along with your mother until she catches you.

Troy has flat out decided that bedtime is for suckas. He is having none of it, unless we all go to bed at the same time in the big bed. Most of the time, I do not feel like going to bed at eight o’clock in the evening, so we have tried to convince Troy that his bedroom is the where it’s at, it being get-the-hell-out-of-our-room. We have tried to establish a soothing routine, you know, a relaxing bath, warm jammies, bedtime stories. OH GOD WITH THE BEDTIME STORIES. I’m talking board books out the face, we cover everything. From shapes and numbers, to goodnight moon, to that eff-hole Biscuit puppy ruining perfectly good birthday parties and hippos and their bee-bos, Troy is well read. Like probably the most well read toddler I know, I’m not kidding. Meanwhile, if I have to spend on more evening on a toddler mattress reading about the lady with the alligator purse I am going to need sedation. And a straight jacket. At least that way I won’t have to turn the pages of the same eighteen board books.

Dont’ get me wrong, it’s not all the reading that’s getting me down. It’s what comes after I try to stop reading, when I put the brakes on Midnight Story Time starring Mom and Troy.

HE FREAKS.

He needs to brush his teeth, which we did two hours ago when I originally decided he should go to bed. He requests to “look at Zoe”, who I am sure at this point is probably just sitting on the couch with the remote watching SATC reruns because she went to “bed” three hours ago and since I’m in Troy’s room having Bed Wars Showdown Part 65049, she doesn’t have to sit in the hallway. He absolutely cannot rest until he has *insert name of some random hot wheel car*. I have no idea what he’s talking about, so I have to go search through the car bin. At this point, he’s peed in his diaper (stall tactic, Zoe probably coached him) and I have to change him. He insists on a red diaper, only red, and then you must put his regular underwear on over it.

After this debacle that happens nightly, he falls asleep while I sit on the floor beside his bed and stare at him like Clarice from Silence of The Lambs.

When it’s over, I feel defeated. And tired because by the time Troy and I finish up the going to bed standoff, it’s one a.m. After this last go around, I might have gone in the kitchen and eaten an entire row of seasonal oreos to ease my pain.

Clearly there are no winners.

    Comments
  • how to become a merchant processor


    Aw, this was an extremely nice post. Finding the time and actual effort to generate a superb article… but what can I say… I hesitate a lot and never seem to get nearly anything done.|

  • Fito Krem Ne Ä°se Yarar


    What i do not realize is in truth how you’re not actually a lot more neatly-favored than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You recognize thus significantly in relation to this subject, made me in my view consider it from numerous numerous angles. Its like men and women are not fascinated except it’s one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding. All the time take care of it up!

  • Become an ISO for merchant services


    You need to be a part of a contest for one of the best sites on the internet. I will recommend this web site!|

  • 먹튀검증


    This website was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something that helped me. Thank you!

  • 사설토토


    An impressive share! I’ve just forwarded this onto a friend who was doing a little homework on this. And he actually ordered me lunch because I stumbled upon it for him… lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to talk about this subject here on your web page.

  • rv paint shops near me


    Aw, this was an extremely good post. Finding the time and actual effort to make a superb article… but what can I say… I procrastinate a lot and never seem to get anything done.

  • RV Interior Remodeling Los Angeles


    I like it whenever people come together and share opinions. Great blog, keep it up!

  • hermes handbags


    I actually wanted to construct a quick remark to express gratitude to you for all of the lovely items you are giving out at this website. My particularly long internet research has at the end been honored with brilliant tips to write about with my co-workers. I ‘d assume that many of us site visitors actually are really blessed to exist in a remarkable place with very many perfect professionals with interesting ideas. I feel very much fortunate to have seen your entire site and look forward to tons of more exciting times reading here. Thank you once more for everything.

  • jordan 1


    Thank you so much for giving everyone remarkably special possiblity to read critical reviews from this web site. It really is so fantastic and as well , jam-packed with a lot of fun for me and my office acquaintances to visit your blog nearly 3 times weekly to see the new stuff you have. And indeed, I’m always happy for the beautiful secrets served by you. Selected 3 facts in this article are rather the most efficient we’ve ever had.

  • 모텔출장


    Having read this I thought it was very enlightening. I appreciate you finding the time and energy to put this article together. I once again find myself personally spending a lot of time both reading and leaving comments. But so what, it was still worthwhile!

  • Rosalie Walentoski


    You are so great thanks

  • therapist new york


    Its such as you learn my mind! You appear to grasp so much approximately this, like you wrote the book in it or something. I believe that you just could do with a few percent to power the message home a bit, but instead of that, that is wonderful blog. A great read. I will definitely be back.|

  • Are Matsui Aichei Steel Scissors Made In China?


    A big thank you for your blog article.Really thank you! Really Great.

  • therapist nyc


    This is my first time pay a visit at here and i am really pleassant to read everthing at single place.|

  • canadian pharmacy cialis daily use


    canadian pharmacy cialis daily use https://tadalafili.com/

  • zerrin egeliler


    I have learn a few good stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how much attempt you set to make such a wonderful informative site.

  • orange county ca rv parks


    Greetings! Very helpful advice in this particular article! It’s the little changes which will make the most important changes. Thanks a lot for sharing!

  • zerrin egeliler


    Hello, you used to write fantastic, but the last several posts have been kinda boring… I miss your super writings. Past several posts are just a little out of track! come on!

  • mudanças


    Wonderful site. A lot of useful info here. I am sending it to a few pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And obviously, thank you for your sweat!|

  • tarjama google arabe


    Useful info. Lucky me I found your web site unintentionally, and I’m stunned why this coincidence did not happened in advance! I bookmarked it.|

  • 강남출장마사지


    Good information. Lucky me I recently found your blog by accident (stumbleupon). I’ve saved it for later!

  • 사설토토


    Wonderful post! We will be linking to this great post on our website. Keep up the great writing.

  • auto paint supplies orange county


    I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and amusing, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. The issue is something which not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about. I’m very happy that I came across this in my hunt for something regarding this.

  • Taza Spa Thủ Đức


    Im thankful for the article post.Thanks Again. Want more.

  • 먹튀검증


    Your style is so unique in comparison to other folks I have read stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just book mark this page.

  • Oakley Prescription Sunglasses


    There’s definately a lot to find out about this issue. I like all the points you have made.

  • tinyurl.com


    scoliosis
    Hi there I am so glad I found your weblog, I really found you by
    error, while I was researching on Yahoo for something else, Regardless I am here now and would just like to say thanks a lot for a
    marvelous post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have
    time to read through it all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also included
    your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read
    much more, Please do keep up the excellent jo.

    scoliosis

  • http://google.tn


    Very good post! We are linking to this particularly great
    article on our site. Keep up the good writing.

  • 샌즈카지노


    Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! However, how can we communicate?|

  • 2013 Maserati Quattroporte


    Great info. Lucky me I found your website by chance (stumbleupon). I’ve saved it for later!

  • Fito Krem Ne Ä°se Yarar


    I went over this site and I conceive you have a lot of wonderful info, saved to favorites (:.

  • view website


    Magali may be the name her parents gave her but she never really liked that name. He’s always loved living in Vermont. I used to be unemployed exactly how I am a recruiting assistant but soon my spouce and i will start our own home based business. Researching fashion is something his wife doesn’t like but he is doing. I’ve been working on my website as news got around now. Do it here: #link#

  • how does albuterol sulfate work


    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a
    blog that’s both educative and entertaining,
    and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the
    head. The problem is an issue that too few folks are speaking
    intelligently about. Now i’m very happy that I came across this during
    my search for something relating to this. http://herreramedical.org/albuterol

  • how does albuterol sulfate work


    I’m impressed, I have to admit. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s both educative and entertaining,
    and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is an issue that too few folks are speaking intelligently about.
    Now i’m very happy that I came across this during my search for something relating to this. http://herreramedical.org/albuterol

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *