Untitled Because I’m So Very Tired.

posted by on 09/21/2010 | 8,336 comments (leave one of your own)

I’m teetering on the edge, dangerously close to slipping and falling into a deep, dark space of scary. I want to run out the front door, out into the night and breathe the cool air in and exhale the dread and the terror. I picture myself running down the driveway and through the trees, barefoot and in my yoga pants that I wear for everything but yoga, with my ponytail stretching behind me as I pick up speed along the asphalt, the pine trees lining the road point me in the right direction.

Any direction is the right direction as long as it isn’t my effing house at bedtime.

Because god forbid we try to put people that are not adults to bed at a “decent” hour.

A “decent” hour at this house is eleven p.m. if you are Zoe. And one a.m. if you are Troy.

Zoe is pretty chill about the whole situation, she’s had nine years to come up with a fail proof plan on how to manipulate her way into staying up at least an hour past the original mention of “Get in bed“.

1. Accomplish all steps you were instructed to do, i.e. brush teeth, jammies, etc.
2. Go to room and read.
3. Read is code for “wait for your mother to activate DVR+laptop+wine because she thinks she’s victorious in executing a successful parenting mission”.
4. Turn off light, sneak into hallway and watch tv along with your mother until she catches you.

Troy has flat out decided that bedtime is for suckas. He is having none of it, unless we all go to bed at the same time in the big bed. Most of the time, I do not feel like going to bed at eight o’clock in the evening, so we have tried to convince Troy that his bedroom is the where it’s at, it being get-the-hell-out-of-our-room. We have tried to establish a soothing routine, you know, a relaxing bath, warm jammies, bedtime stories. OH GOD WITH THE BEDTIME STORIES. I’m talking board books out the face, we cover everything. From shapes and numbers, to goodnight moon, to that eff-hole Biscuit puppy ruining perfectly good birthday parties and hippos and their bee-bos, Troy is well read. Like probably the most well read toddler I know, I’m not kidding. Meanwhile, if I have to spend on more evening on a toddler mattress reading about the lady with the alligator purse I am going to need sedation. And a straight jacket. At least that way I won’t have to turn the pages of the same eighteen board books.

Dont’ get me wrong, it’s not all the reading that’s getting me down. It’s what comes after I try to stop reading, when I put the brakes on Midnight Story Time starring Mom and Troy.

HE FREAKS.

He needs to brush his teeth, which we did two hours ago when I originally decided he should go to bed. He requests to “look at Zoe”, who I am sure at this point is probably just sitting on the couch with the remote watching SATC reruns because she went to “bed” three hours ago and since I’m in Troy’s room having Bed Wars Showdown Part 65049, she doesn’t have to sit in the hallway. He absolutely cannot rest until he has *insert name of some random hot wheel car*. I have no idea what he’s talking about, so I have to go search through the car bin. At this point, he’s peed in his diaper (stall tactic, Zoe probably coached him) and I have to change him. He insists on a red diaper, only red, and then you must put his regular underwear on over it.

After this debacle that happens nightly, he falls asleep while I sit on the floor beside his bed and stare at him like Clarice from Silence of The Lambs.

When it’s over, I feel defeated. And tired because by the time Troy and I finish up the going to bed standoff, it’s one a.m. After this last go around, I might have gone in the kitchen and eaten an entire row of seasonal oreos to ease my pain.

Clearly there are no winners.

    Comments
  • sfweekly.com Best CBD Oil for Dogs


    I adore the way you have ended this article …

  • Website


    Thanks for finally talking about > blog_title < Liked it!|

  • API 5CT Casing pipe specification


    Love the website– extremely individual friendly and great deals to see!

  • Lavonne Cornelius


    Spot on with this write-up, I seriously feel this web site needs much more attention. I’ll probably be returning to read more, thanks for the advice!

  • Clarkpah


    cbs8k 9vdtl 1ajc

  • Altha Honeyman


    Excellent article. I will be going through some of these issues as well..

  • 더킹카지노 주소


    wow, awesome article post.Thanks Again. Want more.

  • Buy bitcoin in Dubai


    Excellent blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally confused .. Any recommendations? Thanks a lot!|

  • Online painting activities


    Asking questions are truly nice thing if you are not understanding something completely, however this piece of writing offers fastidious understanding even.|

  • Ethelyn Klinkenberg


    Hi there! This article could not be written much better! Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept talking about this. I most certainly will forward this post to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  • Tonie Meaux


    I could not resist commenting. Well written!

  • 더킹카지노


    I like it when folks get together and share thoughts. Great website, continue the good work!

  • visit us


    Hi, i feel that i saw you visited my blog so i came to “return the desire”.I’m attempting to find issues to enhance my site!I guess its adequate to use a few of your ideas!!

  • kumpulan situs poker pkv


    Really informative blog post. Want more.

  • Kostenloser Sec


    Awsome blog! Ich liebe es!! Werde sp�ter wiederkommen um mehr zu lesen. Ich werde auch Ihre Feeds bookmarken.

  • bizethicsessayget


    suppose the economy has entered the recession phase of the business cycle. essay business ethics annotated bibliography essay

  • Galileo FX Review


    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something informative to read?|

  • 더킹카지노


    This excellent website certainly has all the information I wanted concerning this subject and didnít know who to ask.

  • Henry Faunce


    This is a topic that’s near to my heart… Many thanks! Where are your contact details though?

  • connectthehealing.com


    Hey! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!|

  • season subtitles


    Pretty great post. I just stumbled upon your weblog and wanted to mention that I’ve truly enjoyed browsing your weblog posts. In any case I will be subscribing on your feed and I hope you write once more very soon!|

  • Erotik Frei


    Nice post. I study something more challenging on completely different blogs everyday. It’s going to all the time be stimulating to learn content material from different writers and apply a little bit something from their store. I?d choose to use some with the content material on my blog whether you don?t mind. Natually I?ll give you a link on your net blog. Thanks for sharing.

  • click here


    The name of creator is Rhett Shattuck but he never really liked that person’s name. Supervising is buying and selling domains support my children and Certain think I’ll change it anytime within the. To play curling is something Let me never give up. Years ago he moved to Puerto Rico but he needs to move involving his family members members. You can still find her website here: #link#

  • แจกเครดิตฟรีไม่ต้องฝากไม่ต้องแชร์


    I really like it when people get together and share opinions. Great website, keep it up!|

  • Janet Freilich


    Hi! I just would like to offer you a huge thumbs up for your great info you’ve got here on this post. I’ll be returning to your website for more soon.

  • Ofnf29n


    viagra generic

  • http://theintouchnews.com/


    My brother suggested I might like this web site. He was totally right. This post truly made my day. You can not imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  • porn


    Wonderful website. Lots of useful information here. I am sending it to a few buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And certainly, thank you for your effort!|

  • viagra


    You actually reported it exceptionally well.. https://withoutshort.com

  • Slider Signs


    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this post plus the rest of the site is extremely good.

  • Truck Suspension Installation


    Im thankful for the article.Thanks Again. Fantastic.

  • Mireille Stansbery


    Hi, I do think this is a great website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I am going to revisit once again since I saved as a favorite it. Money and freedom is the greatest way to change, may you be rich and continue to help other people.

  • Tory Evilsizor


    Hi there, I believe your site might be having internet browser compatibility problems. Whenever I take a look at your site in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in IE, it’s got some overlapping issues. I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Besides that, great site!

  • LabdBreve


    levitra without prescription levitra price levitra generic release date

  • Elvie Keilholtz


    This is a great tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere. Simple but very precise info… Appreciate your sharing this one. A must read article!

  • Lyndon Chernich


    http://25gx.com/wl2007/coolwebshow.asp?url=https://bestpornsites.club/

  • Chevy Express 2500 Paint Shop


    I think this is a real great blog article. Really Cool.

  • zovirax 400mg united states


    donepezil price donepezil 10 mg otcdonepezil tablet donepezil tablets

  • laser hair removal machine


    Hello friends, its impressive paragraph concerning tutoringand entirely defined, keep it up all the time.|

  • ยืนยันตัวตนรับเครดิตฟรี100


    I visited multiple web pages however the audio feature for audio songs existing at this web page is genuinely fabulous.|

  • magic red casino askgamblers


    I’m very happy to find this website. I want to to thank you for your time for this particularly fantastic read!! I definitely appreciated every part of it and i also have you book marked to see new information on your website.|

  • สล็อตเครดิตฟรี


    My brother recommended I might like this blog. He was entirely right. This post actually made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how much time I had spent for this information! Thanks!|

  • Clarkpah


    wg23o 19v8d s9z2

  • Kndnmews


    viagra meme viagra fuck viagra dose

  • Be Sucessfull


    Hi i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anywhere, when i read this piece of writing i thought i could also make comment due to this brilliant piece of writing.|

  • AgscBreve


    humana online pharmacy Amoxil Flexeril

  • Olene Punja


    http://colorsolutionsinternational.us/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=bestpornsites.club/

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from 5-meo DMT For Sale
    Saturday, 27 February, 2021

    5-meo DMT For Sale

    […]The information and facts mentioned within the report are a few of the most beneficial offered […]

  • Trackback from Gay Porn
    Sunday, 28 February, 2021

    Gay Porn

    […]although internet websites we backlink to beneath are considerably not associated to ours, we really feel they are essentially worth a go by, so have a look[…]

  • Trackback from kratom back pain
    Sunday, 28 February, 2021

    kratom back pain

    […]below you’ll locate the link to some internet sites that we believe you must visit[…]

leave a comment
Your email is never shared.
Required fields are marked *