I was going through old photos, like actual printed photographs not just photos on my laptop, and Troy came in and saw a photo of his Nana.
Mainly his Nana circa 1976 holding two infants.
Troy picked up the photo and said, “Why is Nana holding those babies?”
I told him that was me (on the left) when I was born. He said, “Who is the other baby?” and I explained to him that was his Aunt Whore Pit Viper.
After he got over his initial shock that people can have more than one baby at a time, he said, “Wait, I thought Aunt Whore Pit Viper was Nana’s sister?” and then I died laughing.
My sister expressed concerned over his lack of critical thinking skills, but families are confusing, I get it, Troy. I should probably make a flow chart or something.
We bought our first house right before Z started Kindergarten. It was three bedrooms and 1500 square feet and I could clean the entire thing, even toilets and floors, in about an hour.
The outside of the house was light blue and peeling when we moved in and we decided to have it painted. The painter guy was very nice and came over with samples of about 14 different colors that I had picked out. Jeff was at work and we didn’t have phones with cameras back in 2006 and I couldn’t decide which one looked the best, so I ended up going with a the one called Beach House because I liked the name.
Zoe started the school that was two blocks away and I would walk her down to the end of the street, through the crosswalk and watch as she went in the double doors. I would walk back home and feed the dog and load the breakfast dishes into the dishwasher and then log onto Myspace and make sure I still liked my background and occasionally change the song for my profile.
When she was six and a half and I was seven months pregnant with her brother, we were hanging out on the trampoline in the backyard because she wanted to me to watch her jump while I sat near the edge. When we decided to go back into the house, she was leaning over to climb out the netting that surrounded the trampoline FOR SAFETY and I stepped towards her and the weight of my large and in charge pregnant body caused her to bounce straight out of the net opening and onto the ground where she caught herself with her wrist.
I had to take her the Emergency Room because we thought she had broken it, she screamed the entire way there holding a bag of frozen pizza rolls on her hand. She got an X-ray while I had to sit down and chat with a hospital social worker who went through the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy. I’m not sure I convinced her 100% that I was not jumping up and down on the trampoline.
When Troy was around a year old, we came home from buying a TV at Sears. I went out into the garage to find a cable and as I bent down to reach for a bin on a shelf, I realized that there was a mouse staring at me with his beady little mouse eyes about four inches from my face. I screamed so loud and with such vengeance that I wet my pants right there in our garage standing in between Zoe’s turquoise bike that had streamers on the handlebars and the garden house, but that’s what happens when you birth two kids and a mouse almost gives you rabies through your eyes.
P.S. I totally still have those Halloween costumes.
I’m linking up with Ann’s Rants for #WhereILivedWednesday.