Halloween was like ions ago, but who cares, I’m going to blog about it anyway because it is probably my favorite holiday. No dragging a tree home, wrapping presents, cooking for two days required. I ordered Troy’s NOT A COSTUME IT IS A UNIFORM online and went on with my life.

Here are the Top Five Things I Learned About Halloween this year:

1. My six year old will bring home the best Halloween craft ever that he created at the school party.

2. My thirteen year old will pointedly declare all week that Halloween is “so juvenile” and then thirty minutes before it gets dark, she will call you while you are at a party with your son and beg to go trick or treating with her friends.

3. Said thirteen year old, scrambling for a costume, will use all your expensive hairspray and trash your makeup bag and raid your closet because nothing says DEAD SCARY ZOMBIE like a sweater from the Loft.

4. When the six year old has had enough of trick or treating because it was cold and his candy bucket was super heavy, we decide to pick up his sister from the street corner of a nearby neighborhood (this would be terrifying on any other night that wasn’t Halloween-STAY OFF THE STREET CORNER). She was standing with a group of her friends and totally acted like she didn’t see us in the car so I let her little brother get out of the car so he could tag along with them and when I got out of the car, she hissed, “YOU ARE WEARING CAT EARS” and I was all, “Is that my Loft sweater?”

5. My six year old thinks my cat ears are super festive and he gave me all his Butterfingers.