I had the extreme pleasure of chaperoning Troy’s Kindergarten field trip earlier this week to the Starsmore Discovery Center. The trip got off to a rocky start because Troy would not sit with me on the bus and I had to sit by MYSELF.

The rejection. It burns.

I used my alone time to busy myself with work emails (Words With Friends) and when Troy leaned around the seat and asked if he could see my phone so he and his two seat mates could play a game, I told him no because I was doing work. And then silently added “Only if you sit with me” in my head.

At the Discovery Center, we hiked up a 18 inch wide trail where the guide informed us to try and not touch any of the greenery on either side because POISON IVY grows rampant in that area. Medium panic began to set in because it’s not like I’m allergic, but I kept it together for the sake of the children.

After the hike of terror, the kids got to participate in some fun activities.

Like trying to decide if a living Ponderosa tree has a heartbeat. Troy decided that it did and I am okay with that because he wants to be an astronaut and he’s never mentioned medical school.

The nature guide had the kids sit in a circle and went through flash cards of various animals that live in the area. She flipped this card out and said, “Children, do you know what this animal is? He likes to eat pinecones and acorns.”

Troy then raised his hand said, “That’s NAPOLEON THE SQUIRREL“.

I was so proud, I damn near cried, y’all. (Actually I did but just a tiny little bit and I don’t think anyone saw me.) She confirmed that it is an Abert squirrel and she was impressed Troy knew that it was a squirrel and not a cat.

The kids then played a weird nature match game with paint sample cards. They each were given a card with colors and instructed to match it to something of that color in nature. It was pretty genius actually and I know what the kids will play all next summer because I have the entire Benjamin Moore big ass color fan deck and the summer days are long.

It was pretty close to lunch time, so Troy matched his color card to his shoes.

Nature is hard, you guys. Respect.