How To Remove A Water Ring From Your Dining Room Table

posted by on 04/29/2013 | 228 comments (leave one of your own)

Or “How To Remove A Water Ring That Is Shaped Like A Gigantic Egg From Your Dining Room Table Before Your Mother Sees It And Verbally Chastises You For The Rest Of Your Life”.


I’ve had a water ring on my dining room table since Easter, you know, on the dining table that used to belong to my grandmother. You might wonder how one gets a giant egg shaped water ring on their table and it is simple: with a large egg shaped plate.


My mother gave my this for Easter because she’s never met novelty servingware she didn’t like.  I washed it, dried it off (not very well apparently) and put it on the table so I would remember to put it away in the buffet.  When I picked it up, I noticed the water ring of death.


I kept going over the spot every few days with my Murphy’s Oil thinking it would take care of it magically and I had no such luck. I remembered reading a long time ago in Martha Stewart Living that mayonnaise was supposed to remove water rings, so I dug around in the fridge and found a jar that was just about to expire, so I didn’t feel bad  about wasting it. We use vegenaise, so I’m pretty sure that was my mother’s almost expired mayo that I was about to slap on her mother’s tainted table.


I guess I could have used the vegenaise, but I don’t remember Martha saying anything about using fake mayo, so I said a small prayer and smeared that almost expired not vegenaise all over that water ring. I might have been a bit overzealous in my application.


I left it on for about three hours and boom, it actually worked.


Something about the combination of fat and mild acids penetrates the top layer of the finish to replace the water with nourishing oil, how you like them apples egg shaped plates?

Don’t tell my mom.

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