Co-Sleeping. My Kid Is Dedicated To His Cause.
Here’s an update for you: Troy won’t sleep in his own bed.
Here’s another update for you: We are OVER it.
I mean, completely and utterly over it.
This does not mean that I wouldn’t co-sleep with another little baby, I would, maybe just not for five years.
Co-sleeping with a baby is not the same as sleeping with a five year old. My little co-sleeping babies never kicked off all the covers, head butted me in the face, or slept like a giant H in the middle of the bed with their feet dug into my lower back.
Troy is going the distance with co-sleeping and it has to stop. We have to pull the plug on it mainly because Jeff and I are not getting any rest.
Troy, on the other hand, wakes up energized and happy and thanks us for letting him sleep “in the middle” (what he calls co-sleeping).
We tried the sticker chart/reward system and it worked for approximately a month and a half. The novelty wore off, so when bedtime rolled around, he would go and get in our bed. When reminded that he wouldn’t get a sticker, he informed us, “I already did that” and promptly took his place in the middle.
I did some research (googled HELP ME GET MY FIVE YEAR OLD TO SLEEP IN HIS ROOM FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY) and came up with the Ticket System.
Here’s what I did:
Ordered tickets off of Amazon Prime at 1:30 a.m.
Took Troy to Target Dollar Spot the next day to pick out his very! own! special ticket bucket!
Once said tickets were delivered, explained to Troy that he would get three tickets for sleeping all night in his room to put into his ticket bucket. He also gets tickets throughout the day for cooperating because five year olds sometimes like to argue with you FOR NO REASON.
If Troy has a certain amount of tickets in his bucket by Saturday, he gets to do one special thing of his choosing with Mom and/or Dad. Google said kids that have been subjected to attachment parenting respond better to this method than straight bribery with a toy.
This week, Troy racked up up 15 tickets and he requested to go to the diner and eat pancakes with Jeff. And I stayed home and took a nap.
Last night, he went to sleep in his room last night, but got in our bed around 4 a.m. I gave him three tickets this morning because he didn’t kick the covers off.
Baby steps, you guys. Baby steps.
Gaylin
My sisters youngest co-slept until she was 7. Partially because her bedroom was the coldest room in their house. My sister gave her 3 months notice that if she didn’t sleep in her own bed, she would not get a 7th birthday party. 2 weeks before her birthday – sleeping every night in her own bed.
Zakary
*makes note of this
Rebecca
Sweet lord, I need the link for those tickets! Our, almost five year old, won’t go to sleep in his own bed, we move him every night into his own bed. He also does a LOT of that “arguing” business, it’s nice you gave it such a diplomatic title, my kid is downright bat shit crazy four.
It makes me feel a bit better that my second had ZERO interest in co-sleeping, she would not sleep at all in our bed. One night, around three months, I left her in her crib “by accident” and she has slept though the night, every night, for the last year…AMAZING!! But, I admit, I missed her.
Zakary
Tickets can be purchased here.
Troy was agreeable at four, I miss four.
Rebecca
Five is only two weeks away, he’s practicing!
Holly Folly
I, not having kids, cannot began to give you any real advice.
I suppose you couldn’t just tell him there is a terrible monster that lives in your room and eats little boys? And then when he doesn’t believe you have a friend dress up as a monster and chase him out of the room for a few nights. For the most impact, make sure that you never react to the monster in anyway, act like he is making the whole thing up, even when the monster is right behind you.
On second thought, it’s probably better I do not have children.
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Kait
I disagree. I’m pretty sure you would be the most amazing parent ever.
And I’m also pretty sure I’m going to tell my five year old that there is a monster living in her closet that likes attacks five year old girls who have epic screaming fits over bullshit like having to wear more than underwear and flipflops to Target. We’re not going to Walmart kid. You need real clothes.
Zakary
Ha! Troy hates to wear shoes. Same fight, all the time.
Rebecca
We have the socks and shoe argument EVERY.SINGLE.DAY, multiple times.
Rochelle
10 years old. She is 10 and is still freakin in our bed. I admit we are both totally OK with it, she is our only child (medical reasons on my end). She has tried to “move out” numerous times only to come in after sleeping for an hour. Is it crazy I’m secretly happy when she comes crawling back???
Zakary
GOD BLESS YOU.
tara
Dude. I can’t even imagine.
What if you lie down with him in his bed? Or would he just wake up later and come stick his feet in your back later? What if you give him a timer? Like…he gets one hour a night/morning and once the timer goes off, he has to go into his bed?
I have no tips because I hate sharing a bed with people. Except my husband because he knows I only like to hold hands while trying to sleep. Sometimes.
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Zakary
This does work, except I usually fall asleep before Troy and I wake up at 5 a.m. and I can’t stand up straight for the rest of the day. I would rather sleep with him in a King bed than a twin bed.
tara
Yep, I would do the same thing. Buy him a king bed
kidding!!
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Mo
My husband would lay down with my daughter when she was transitioning to her own bed…she would wait til he was asleep, then make her great escape back to my bed.
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Christina
My 2 and a half yr old still sleeps with us. And we have been at H status for a while. We recently moved to head butts, boob punches, and the other night I got a heel strike straight to the NIP! Yeah… Sooo I love her and all, and I’m sad she’s my last baby (which is probably why she’s still sleeping with me), and I will probably panic when she gets in her own bed, But homegirl is about to get kicked out.
MissCaron
OMG. I couldn’t do it. You’re amazing. I do not plan on co-sleeping for that very reason. More power to you. Sending prayers your way to deal with the no-sleep, and the new reward system, and just all of it.
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Megan
I also ran into this problem recently, and someone told me that the “solution” was to gradually change the arrangement day by day (i.e. days #1-5, sleep on the floor, days #6-10, sleep by the door, etc). I have yet to see it work, however, so I’m interested to see how it goes for you. It sounds like he’s found a way to buy into it, so kudos to you
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Kait
We put a crib mattress on the floor and said the options were big kid bed in their own room or baby bed in our room. It helped our cause that the crib mattress was ancient and felt like sleeping on stabby by needles of hate. If they came in because they were scared, they got sent to the crib mattress. If they came in because they missed us they got the crib mattress. It still took a few months to break the habit but we had our bed to ourselves so we didn’t really care because omg no one was kicking me in the ribs in the middle of the night anymore. It was like magic and awesome and wonderful.
Good luck. Five year olds are like high powered jerks on crack. They have no reason or logic or concern for anyone else and they have the mighty power of being cute to disarm you. Be strong.
Zakary
We tried this with his regular mattress and he would just wait until we fell asleep and then climb in bed with us when he “couldn’t see our eyes”.
*kicks self for selling crib mattress on Craigslist
my favorite and my best- MFAMB to you
i am obviously doing this with fiona for other things.
ticket bucket.
genius.
google is the smartest.
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diane carol
My friend lived through this, and quite by accident asked her son what he wanted for Christmas….he said a heated blanket….which got her thinking….he came into their bed every night about the same time….he was a rough and tumble sleeper, and the blankets always seemed to be a mess….she bought a heated mattress pad and viola….he never slept in their bed again. He was waking up because he was cold….and that was it!
Zakary
This. We use a down comforter on our bed in the winter and Troy calls it the “cloud cover”.
I am going to order one for his bed, THANK YOU.
Robin Jingjit
Man. Good luck. My boy did the H thing when he was a toddler and it drove me nuts!!!
Be strong though, because that comment above about the 10 year old disproves the ol’ ‘They won’t be doing it when they are in kindergarten’ adage. It’s fine if you are happy with it, but since you aren’t, I don’t think you can just let it resolve itself.
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Toni
I’m going to ask a question that will most likely get me flayed in these comments. but when on earth do you get to have alone time with your husband when you have a child in your bed all night? I have NOTHING against co-sleeping, I personally couldn’t have done it with my 3 kids because I need my sleep to much. And they woke up enough in their own beds, but I’ve always wondered how parents who do co-sleep manage to have enjoyable sex lives. Do you just grab it when you can or do you have another room set aside where you can go if the child is asleep and you need some R&R? I’m asking out of genuine curiosity, not having a go at all or looking down on parenting choices. I’m so glad I live in Australia so I can’t get hunted down atm…
Zakary
No flaying here, it’s a legit question.
Let’s just say Troy stays asleep when we move him into his own bed.
Toni
Thanks for answering and not thinking I was being rude or judgmental, I’ve seen some women ask the same sort of question and just get slaughtered in the comments! I applaud anyone who manages to co-sleep and not go crazy, I have problems sharing with my partner at times, and he has a great ass that I can grab when I feel like it during the night.
Corrie K
Totally valid question, and one I think a lot of people have about co-sleeping, but are too afraid to ask! If it helps, we have friends with 8 kids and they have co-slept with each of them when they were little. =)
We move baby to a bed on the floor, or ourselves to a bed on the floor.
Toni
Oh Gosh…8 kids… 3 is enough for me! I think anyone with enough patience to have more than that is amazing!!
Mo
see. and my little guy is 2 and I feel all mean and evil for being Totally Over the cosleeping.
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Mo
(but now I feel justified.)
Mo recently posted..Continuing a Thought. Not Too Political. Really.
Sarah
I can hardly stand sleeping with my husband some nights.
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Marie
Best. comment. ever.
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anne
I’m going to sound like an a-hole, but… Judging from your previous posts, your son has a ton of toys and gets plenty of attention. There’s nothing wrong with that, but the reward system is probably a novelty to him that will wear off soon enough. Which has more of a pay-out? A special outing once a week… or sleeping w/ Mom and Dad every night? Sometimes you just have to go the punitive route. Like start taking away toys when they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be doing. We gave our son the boot when he was three, so I really don’t know what I’m talking about. Just a Mean Mom suggestion.
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Zakary
Not a mean mom suggestion at all! Two weeks ago, I took away his Nerf guns one by one every night he wouldn’t go to sleep in his bed. They are still in a bin in the garage.
Troy could care less.
If this ticket thing doesn’t work, I’m going to lose it.
Jade @ Tasting Grace
Toby’s little half-sister co-slept with her parents until she was nearly a teenager. {GAH.}
How about you just tell him that mommy & daddy need him to leave because you play on having rough & violent sex in that bed. Every night. I’m sure he’ll understand.
OR
He’s just starting kindergarten, right? How about you tell him that big boys sleep in their own beds and how would he like it if all his new friends came over and found out he still sleeps with mommy & daddy like a baby. Shaming works, right?
I have a feeling I’m totally going to traumatize my children one day.
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Jessica
My almost-one-year-old is still sleeping with us pretty much full time, which I plan to remedy this summer. Her room is cold, so I feel bad putting her up there and I’m not ready to give her a blanket yet. Our six-year-old still comes into our room almost every night around 2 AM, too, but we have a loveseat in the corner and that’s his spot if he wants to sleep in here. I think you tried the mattress on the floor thing, though, didn’t you?
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Tracey
My oldest son was a bad sleeper and to this day (he’s now 10) if I lay down with him he’s in heaven. I work full time and therefore must sleep, plus we have a queen size bed, no room for 1 more. ANYWAY, I made a deal with him that he could sleep in our room on the floor next to me but NOT in my bed. I had a pillow and cover under the bed for him, he’d creep in and fall asleep and I knew nothing of it until I’d about trip over him in the am. It lasted for a while , but soon the times that he’d stay in his room all night got longer in-between when he’d end up on our floor. Don’t judge me making him sleep on the FLOOR, you have to do whatever works for you, but this worked for us after everything else failed.
. Chin up, he won’t be 30 still sleeping in the middle of you and Jeff.
Marie
My son is almost 2 and this conversation is eye opening, and super helpful. I had seriously convinced myself that little boys couldn’t wait to get in their own beds and the transition would be easy-peasy… sigh.
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Shannon
What if you reward him WITH cosleeping? Tell him if he can sleep in his own bed Monday-Saturday, he can sleep in the middle on Sundays??
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Sheila McGowan
We may or may not have the same kid! lol I am with you on the baby steps….
Sally
Both my boys slept with us. I loved it and would do it again in a heartbeat. With Steve, he loved listening to records so I told him if he went to bed in his own room and was still awake when the record was over, he could come in. Then I snuck in and kept starting it over. (Understand this is a Fisher Price record player and a 33 1/3 record of Juice Newton or the Oak Ridge Boys.) He still wound up in there sometimes but by that time, we were both asleep.
JC, on the other hand slept with us until jr high. On the nights he had friends over, he did not. Maybe you could borrow a neighbor kid! Don’t beat yourself up. He will not bring his girlfriend/wife to your bed.