Ride Or Die. Hard.
I would say that Jeff and I have a pretty agreeable marriage, meaning we agree on most things that married people must reach a decision on, like what to have for dinner, where to go on vacation, and what temperature to set the thermostat. The one thing we absolutely do not agree on, have never agreed on?
Deciding what movie to watch.
Jeff and I went to dinner this weekend and he really wanted to go see Zero Dark Thirty in the theater. I wasn’t really down with seeing it, but he usually just goes along with whatever movie I want to see. And the last movie I talked him into seeing was Something’s Gotta Give and I’m pretty sure will never be over it because that movie was god awful.
We made our way to our seats in the theater and it was filling up fast. I sent my sister (Whore Pit Viper) a text and told her I was about to watch a movie I didn’t want to watch and she texted me back that it opens with calls from actual people killed in 9/11 and then features a torture scene.
Here’s the deal. I go to the movies for entertainment. I do not watch movies that contain crimes against humanity, crimes against children, scary bullshit like exorcisms and paranormal activities (that shit is real), or any movie that I think it going to give me nightmares.
Plus Zero Dark Thrity is almost three hours long.
Zakary fun fact: I hate watching a movie with anyone sitting in front of me. In film school, there were 25 of us in HUGE theater and that’s how I watched movies for three years, no one next to me and no one in front of me. I cannot stand someone I don’t know sitting next to me and I have to sit in the aisle seat in last row on the right side with no one in front of me or I am irritated to the point of being unable to focus. I mean, I can barely sit next to Jeff. We all have quirks, this is mine and I’m not sorry. I do not like smelling random people’s smells or hear them rattle their bags or swallow their drinks and this is why we have Netflix.
Zero Dark Thirty was going to sell out and I was going to be stuck watching a movie that was going to give me anxiety while smelling someone else’s smells for three hours and I was beginning to panic a tiny bit. True story: I almost made Jeff sit in front of me and I was going to put my purse in the seat next to me to keep it empty, but that’s a total dick move when the theater is sold out.
Also? News flash: we all know how Zero Dark Thrity ends.
So, I made a decision right before the previews started.
I leaned over and told Jeff that I absolutely was not going to see Zero Dark Thirty.
I then asked him if he would be okay if I went to a different movie.
It was either that or I was going to need the keys and I was going to go to Target and that would probably be expensive.
He told me to enjoy my movie.
And I walked across the hall and sat myself down in the aisle seat of the very last row on the right side with no one in front of me and watched the hell out of Die Hard 5.
Because Bruce Willis is a national treasure, you guys.
I do understand that this post will come back to bite me in the ass if Jeff and I ever get divorced. Everyone will be all, “Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, they didn’t even go to the movies together” and that’s a chance I’m willing to take. On the way home, Jeff said he was disappointed with his movie and was glad at least one of us had a good time and that’s cool because sometimes in marriage you gotta agree to disagree. And not smell other people’s smells.