I Had No Idea It Was Going To Be So Glamorous
When you have children, certain things happen and you are all, “SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE WARNED ME”. Like how your baby might have reflux and scream every time he eats for six months (Troy) or how your child will be four and a half and still in pullups (Zoe).
Or like when your four year old has been running a fever for an entire day and you stay up all night long staring at him and checking him because all you can think about is that time he almost got meningitis and you know fevers do not play. The very next day, he still has a fever and he asks for a slushie, a red slushie, and you will go buy him one even though red dye makes you twitch, and while you are driving home, your four year old home decides pulls the scene from the Exorcist. Except with red slushie.
While you are on a work call.
I had to pull over on the side of the road, hang up, and catch red throw up.
So, that’s when the stomach flu decided to visit and it hit us hard. And by us, I mean Troy and I. Zoe was sent to confinement (downstairs with my mother) while I used all the bleach on all the things and paused to catch more throw up.
He managed to throw up on every single old towel/old cloth diaper/microfiber cleaning towel we own. Zoe was unpacking her folder from school and telling me about her upcoming field trip that I will be chaperoning and at that very moment, Troy sat down in middle of the kitchen and unloaded gingerale and a popsicle (I thought it was safe, y’all, the hits just kept coming) and I couldn’t find and a godforsaken dishtowel because when some people (JEFF) use them they put them back in the wrong places. The vom river was running oh so quickly towards the fridge and there is no way in hell I am moving the fridge to clean up puke, so I stopped it with my socks.
While I was wearing them. Because that’s how much I hate cleaning up underneath the refrigerator.
So, yeah. If you don’t have kids, consider yourself warned: there’s gonna be throw up. Times infinity.
And chances are you might have to chaperone a field trip to a goat farm.
THE FUN NEVER STOPS, Y’ALL.