I Had No Idea It Was Going To Be So Glamorous
When you have children, certain things happen and you are all, “SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE WARNED ME”. Like how your baby might have reflux and scream every time he eats for six months (Troy) or how your child will be four and a half and still in pullups (Zoe).
Or like when your four year old has been running a fever for an entire day and you stay up all night long staring at him and checking him because all you can think about is that time he almost got meningitis and you know fevers do not play. The very next day, he still has a fever and he asks for a slushie, a red slushie, and you will go buy him one even though red dye makes you twitch, and while you are driving home, your four year old home decides pulls the scene from the Exorcist. Except with red slushie.
While you are on a work call.
I had to pull over on the side of the road, hang up, and catch red throw up.
So, that’s when the stomach flu decided to visit and it hit us hard. And by us, I mean Troy and I. Zoe was sent to confinement (downstairs with my mother) while I used all the bleach on all the things and paused to catch more throw up.
He managed to throw up on every single old towel/old cloth diaper/microfiber cleaning towel we own. Zoe was unpacking her folder from school and telling me about her upcoming field trip that I will be chaperoning and at that very moment, Troy sat down in middle of the kitchen and unloaded gingerale and a popsicle (I thought it was safe, y’all, the hits just kept coming) and I couldn’t find and a godforsaken dishtowel because when some people (JEFF) use them they put them back in the wrong places. The vom river was running oh so quickly towards the fridge and there is no way in hell I am moving the fridge to clean up puke, so I stopped it with my socks.
While I was wearing them. Because that’s how much I hate cleaning up underneath the refrigerator.
So, yeah. If you don’t have kids, consider yourself warned: there’s gonna be throw up. Times infinity.
And chances are you might have to chaperone a field trip to a goat farm.
THE FUN NEVER STOPS, Y’ALL.
Issa
No one warns about vomit. Or fevers. Or kids who outgrow shoes the day after you buy them. Ahem.
I hope you and Troy feel better quickly.
A goat farm? Lovely! Are you going to go to Outdoor Lab with her? Do they do outdoor lab where you are?
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ZDub
There is an Outdoor Lab? CRAP.
Marcee
Sounds fun. But …. take lots of Purell + wipes. Germs can spread quickly.
Lisa E
OMG NO.
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Marcee
Ohmy. No fun caring for a sick child. Or worrying night and day when they will be well.
Troy looks calm and peaceful in the pictures. Don’t worry about food or drink. All in good time.
Heatlhy tomorrows ZD.
Tracy
Dude. This is what happened to us over the July 4th holiday. I totally feel you. At 5 AM the only thing I could find for my son to puke in was an empty shoe box. My son had it and the exact day he felt better…BAM. I got it.
Feel better…
Rachel
Gross, just gross. Pukes are the part I’m looking forward to the most. NOT!!
Jennifer
It is funny because for some reason your website is bookmarked on another post about Troy barfing (barfnoculars…so inspired). You may have higher that average regurgitation in your house. You should get some Zofran. I am a nurse so I have in in my medicine cabinet and purse at all times. No one in my house barfs more than once per illness, it is forbidden.
Robin Jingjit
I took that stuff when I had hyperemesis, it was magical but also freaking expensive! At least here in Thailand.
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Ralf
You know, there is nothing worse than trnyig to clean up puke out of the carpet! Thank goodness I haven’t had to for a REALLY long time, but will have to remember this next time!
Ginny
Stopping a puke river with your socks? That is hard-effing-core. I raise my sweet tea to you, lady.
Kelly @ Turned Up To Eleven!
Poor Troy and poor you. I like that you stopped the vom with your socks – it’s inventive and let’s be frank, they were dirty from walking around anyway right? Better than dirtying yet another towel.
We have a bug going around AL that’s a stomach virus that’s lasting 7 days!!! I can’t imagine, I keep crossing my fingers I won’t get it.
Everything will be coming up Squirrels in TuTus soon, I promise!
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rachel
No one warns that your newborn baby will spit up on you constantly everytime you picked them up after they’ve been fed and you’d walk around smelling like sour milk (no matter how many times you changed your outfits). No one warns you that since bumper pads are outlawed that your abnormally tall 10 month old would get his legs constantly stuck in between the bars of his crib and wake up every hour screaming. I won’t even start on how I wasn’t informed that babies become smart enough to take off their diapers and play with their poop.
I give you props for cleaning up puke with your socks. That really is hardcore! Hope everyone starts feeling better soon!
Ami
Do you know how to throw a Vomit Palooza or what? And your poor feet will probably have nightmares for weeks.
Good luck at the goat farm and bring lots and lots of hand sanitizer.
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Rhonda
I suppose the silver lining in this story is at least you were wearing socks and didn’t have to divert it with your bare feet – which yes I have done because hellz no I wasn’t moving the stove to clean under it.
My kids were always the kind who came into my room at night and stood there staring at me until the creepy someone’s watching me feeling woke me up – Mom I don’t feel . . . (barf). Kids – they hate to share toys and candy but can’t wait to spread the throw up around.
kelleyellen
hahahaha, I was totally that creepy kid staring at my dad until he woke up. I didn’t even bother with mom, she could sleep thru a tornado.
montanamama
Hope Troy feels better soon. And ewww about the puke socks….you are way braver than I.
MissCaron
OH NO. Yuck. Sorry about all the vom. I’m definitely not looking forward to that! P.S. glad y’all are feeling better now!
Very Bloggy Beth
This, smug childless folk, THIS is why we let them run amok in a restaurant. Because we just survived something like THIS.
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thedoseofreality
Aaaahhh, living the dream. I remember distinctly that when I played MASH, I did not see a category for all-nighters and sock stopping vomit fests. And I am certainly not driving a BMW OR married to Ben Affleck, so clearly something has gone awry. Poor Troy. Poor you.
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Andrea @ Bubblewrapp'd
The puke… Oh the puke.
I spend a lot of time praying that my kids don’t gets the pukes.
Ear infections, strep (without the side effect of puke), I can handle all of that.
Puke?
NO.
I feel like everything has to be bleached no less than 3 times, in water that is the same temperature as the depths of hell… And even then, whatever gets puked on is tainted forever in my mind.
Parenting is very glamorous.
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kelleyellen
I am with you on the vom stopping with socks. I wouldn’t move the fridge to clean up the vom under it either. Well I guess I would, if I had to. But I would rather stop it with my stocking feet if I had the opportunity.
My 1 year old has yet to have a puke bug.
I prolly just jinxed myself.