Archive for April, 2012

Better Than A Water Gun

posted by on 04/23/2012

I got so very tired of filling up Troy’s water gun and this pump operated super soaker is the best $2 I’ve ever spent.


(Purchased at my local Michael’s, I love Michael’s.)


It’s A Woodpecker Invasion. Kinda Like The British Invasion But With Less Music.

posted by on 04/19/2012

Let’s discuss woodpeckers. Or as they are called in Colorado, Northern Flicker, which are identified in flight by yellow or a pink color under their wings.  They are also identified on the side of my house pecking the ever loving shit out of it around five a.m. every. single. day.


Also, the woodpeckers Flickers chose the side of the house to NEST in that corresponds with our bedroom wall.  So every morning at five, on the dot, a gang of noisy ass birds start rat-a-tat-tating on the side of our house and we A. Bang on the wall with our fists (medium effective) or B. J has to go outside and scare them off by yelling at them in socks and flip flops (he’s Asian) and his boxer briefs (very effective. And scary.).

After conducting important research regarding how to get rid of our Flicker infestation (googling that shit for days), I learned that the Flickers are hammering to attract mates (sluts), to establish and/or defend a territory (thanks, but we got this), to excavate nesting or roosting sites, and to search for insects. I freaked the eff out when I read the thing about bugs, we bought the house in August. I could just picture it infested and covered in hundreds of dumb woodpeckers and I’m sure that would be super inexpensive to fix (eye roll).  However, when J got on top of the house to inspect it for bugs, he informed me that he could see the top of the neighbors house and they had a gang of flicker holes on the eave of their house. AND that the Flicker had made a bunch of four inch holes in the side of our house and a NEST.

But good news!  The internet said that mating season, see excessive pecking the everloving crap out of our house, is most common in the spring and usually ends by July 1.

Uh, hell nah.

The internet told us we should try to repel them with this sticky gel that may or may not stain the side of your house and is like $80 a tube. NEXT.

The internet also told us we could buy a nesting box (a birdhouse, duh) and guess what? Also $80. NEXT.

I am trying to get rid of the birds, not take them to raise. I wouldn’t even spend $80 on a squirrel house (YES I WOULD).

Now you might be thinking to yourself that we should just put a cap in their annoying bird asses, but dumb dumb Flickers are classified as “migratory nongame birds and are protected by the Federal Migratory Bird Treaty Act of Colorado.  A federal permit is required before any lethal control methods are employed. Penalties and fines are assessed to violators”, at least this is what the Department of Agriculture is throwing down.

And plus shooting birds is kinda mean. That could get back to the squirrel community and then where would that leave me?  Sad and squirrel-less.

I dropped in our local wild bird supply store (it exists) and they mentioned that most folks have success with visual repellents and they tried to sell me plastic whirly things to hang off our house. That were $16 a piece. And they recommended at least SIX. That were $16 a piece.

I issued a polite no thank you/are you crazy and took my ass to the dollar store where I spent $9 on visual repellents. Or garden wind twisters. Whateves.

wind twister

The idea is that the movement with scare the birds off. We threaded them with some sort of heavy wire and twine that we had in the garage and J and his assistant went to work.

zoe and jeff

His assistant had one job, she was in charge of handing J the twister thingies and the assistant’s mother wouldn’t let her walk any farther than STAY WHERE I CAN SEE YOU.

zoe + roof

Here Troy pretended to help, he wasn’t into getting on top of the house. He knew I would be lonely on the ground all by myself.

troy + ladder

And besides, we were on “Peckbird” watch.


J stapled the wind twisters onto the eaves of the house near the patched woodpecker holes. Not pictured: J patching the said holes on the side of the house because I had to climb onto the roof and sit on his legs while he hung over the edge with a piece of wood and a hammer.


Because if anything we are all about safety.


So far, our $9 repelling Peckbirds plan has worked and the Flickers/Woodpeckers/Birds From Hell have left our house alone.

jeff + kids

And when it fails, Troy says, “Just use this rock”.


Flickers can go peck themselves and can totally flick off.