You Think You Know A Person
I make Jeff and Zoe breakfast every morning before work and school. Today Zoe’s school was closed due to the ungodly amount of snow that is falling (rude), so Jeff and I have an understanding that I get these mornings off and he is left to his own devices. This means that he gets to stop at the gas station and have beef jerky and donuts and an energy drink and I won’t yell at him about his cholesterol or whatever it is eating beef jerky and donuts will do to you.
This is an actual conversation that happened this morning in my house.
Me: Dude, I’m not getting up. I packed your lunch last night, can you just grab your own breakfast?
Jeff: Yeah, are there bagels?
Me: I’m not sure, but I didn’t hide them and we if we do, they are located downstairs in the area we refer to as the kitchen. (Harsh, yes, but I need coffee in the morning to invoke my pleasantness).
Jeff: What about those sausage biscuit things?
Me: I might get up and stab you if you keep talking. Just go eat a bowl of cereal.
Jeff: Have you ever seen me eat a bowl of cereal? You know I don’t eat cereal.
Me: You don’t like cereal? Really?
Jeff: I haven’t eaten a bowl of cereal in 20 years.
Me: That’s un-American.
Jeff: You microwave your candy bars.
Me: Well played.
merlin513
but, gooey candybars are the greatest! of course living where I do candybars generally come gooey sans microwave…
Amber
You are fuckin awesome!!!!!!!’mm
Lacey
You microwave your candy bars? That just might be brilliant.
Lacey recently posted..Kirk + Julia
Lisa E
First of all, who doesn’t like cereal? That’s crazy! And secondly, you make his breakfast every morning? Are you trying to make the rest of us look bad?
ZDub
Every morning and I pack his lunch every day. His route is up the mountain and way out in woods and if I don’t do this, he will A. Starve B. Eat everything in the gas station on the way to work and on the way home.
Elaine
You microwave your candy bars?!?!
BRILLIANT!!!!
Elaine recently posted..The Evolution of a Runner
ZDub
Yes, but only nuke them in two second increments. You don’t want a melted mess. I like them where they look normal, but they are soft.
I also microwave my ice cream.
I have this down to a science.
Amanda Rex
My only beef with cereal is that I feel like I have to eat again like twenty minutes later.
katy
i have a friend who freezes her diet cokes, but only for a very specific range of minutes, say…45-60 minutes, making it get mini ice chunklets in it while remaining fizzy. it is so delicious, but i never remember the time and fear explosions. or this: a friend who nukes her kids’ string cheese—just til flaccid. my kids consider this the height of snack excellence. AND NOW YOU with the candy bars. this comment was too long.
katy recently posted..Some information: Candy
Kait
I am obviously not an adult because I keep giggling over flaccid cheese.
Lindsay
Me neither. I will never look at string cheese the same way again.
Laine Griffin
SAME!! I immediately thought, “YOU SAID FLACCID!!”
Issa
I’m stuck on you microwave your candy bars. I do not understand.
Then again, no cereal? That’s seriously nuts.
As is this snow storm. Am over it.
Issa recently posted..How things change
sarah
I have always been highly suspicious of Jeff. This totally confirms my thinking.
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Gini
What? Doesn’t that make the candy bar soggy and then it falls apart in your hand? I hate melted chocolate on my hand, this makes no sense.
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Jell Jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown
I do the exact opposite – I freeze mine. Whoa. I know. Like ships passing in the night.
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chris at yardsalequeen.com
I like how you call your husband Dude.
Amber
I know how it goes. When Boo is off in the morning, I get a “free” morning too. But if I don’t plan appropriately, breakfast becomes – here kid, have a bag of chips. You know, a full size bag of rrrruffles have rrrrrigdes. Turd.
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Belinda U.
I can’t believe Jeff doesn’t like to eat cereal. Seriously? I love cereal a lot! It’s crunchy, delicious and healthy. How would you convince him to eat cereal after 20 years of deprivation?
Thanks for the story! I was entertained.
-Belinda
Belinda U. recently posted..how to pick up girls
Laine Griffin
Un-American is excactly how I would describe someone who doesn’t like cereal.
Laine Griffin recently posted..In Pursuit of Crazy Eyeris: Ready for a Derby Girl Beating
Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic
for the record there is nothing un-american about microwaving candy bars… that shiz is genius!
Kelly @ Dare to be Domestic recently posted..random musings & confessional friday: 02.10.12
Ashley Taylor
This made me laugh out loud. For many reasons. Mostly, though, because I do the same thing; except I, too, totally blow off my hubby when there is no school. You just made me feel so much better about that, thank you. Awesome wives except on snow days for the win!
Ashley
http://www.thedoseofreality.com/