And Then I Brined The Turkey In Bleach.

posted by on 11/23/2011 | 384 comments (leave one of your own)

You should know by now that any time I manage to go five days without blogging someone is sick and probably throwing up on my pillow while I try to sleep.

It’s Troy. Stomach flu. AGAIN. Second time in two weeks. My pediatrician was all, “Wow, you must be trying to set a record”.

No, no we are not.  Unless the record is Going The Longest Without Seeing The Doctor.  Then I would like to set the shit out of that bad boy.

Monday night, after going out and buying everything we needed for Thanksgiving dinner because I refuse to be a dickhead in the grocery store at seven p.m. on Wednesday night (like last year and the year before that and the YOU GET THE POINT), Troy started Vomitpalooza.

My husband came home and I was all, “I need to shower, don’t give him anything to drink because you will wear it”. As I am stepping into the shower to rinse off, I hear Troy unload the cup of pedialyte ALL OVER MY BED that he let him drink.  He even put ice in the cup before he gave it to him.  How thoughtful.

Fact: My husband might have some sort of brain malfunction that causes him to block out the sound of my voice. Also a fact: I still haven’t showered.

So, I sit here and I’m trying to ignore how awful my stomach feels and I somehow need to turn all this into dinner tomorrow.


But before I can cook one thing, I need to disinfect my entire house. While doing important stomach flu internet research, I learned that the virus can live for two weeks on surfaces. OH GOD.  I also learned that cranberry juice could possibly prevent the stomach flu because it has antiviral potential, which is why the oceanspray bottle I am using for my turkey brine is missing some juice.  I drank a cup and threw in some tequila for good measure. I’m not going down without a fight.

Plus being kinda drunk helps me clean.


Happy Thanksgiving, playas. Or just Happy Thursday. Whatever. I’m down.

Oh Jesus.


  • cbd florida

    Appreciate you sharing, great article.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  • does cbd get you high

    wow, awesome blog article.Thanks Again. Keep writing.

  • Jaye Ortega

    I was extremely happy to discover this web-site. I wished to thanks for your time for this fantastic read!! I certainly delighting in every little of it and also I have you bookmarked to take a look at new things you post.

  • is cbd legal in oklahoma

    Here is an excellent Weblog You may Obtain Exciting that we Encourage You

  • washington state cbd

    always a huge fan of linking to bloggers that I adore but dont get lots of link like from

  • utah cbd

    although sites we backlink to below are considerably not connected to ours, we feel they are essentially really worth a go by means of, so possess a look

  • RoyalCBD

    Very good blog post.Thanks Again. Much obliged.

  • RoyalCBD

    Say, you got a nice blog article.Thanks Again. Really Cool.

  • RoyalCBD

    we like to honor several other online websites on the internet, even though they arent linked to us, by linking to them. Beneath are some webpages worth checking out

  • Royal CBD

    always a major fan of linking to bloggers that I enjoy but do not get a great deal of link like from

  • cbd oil oregon

    please stop by the internet sites we adhere to, including this one, as it represents our picks in the web

  • RoyalCBD

    I value the blog article.Thanks Again. Really Great.

  • is cbd legal in rhode island

    here are some links to internet sites that we link to due to the fact we think they may be really worth visiting

  • Errol Choinski

    Hello! I just would love to provide a significant thumbs up for the great info you have below on this message. I will be coming back to your blog for even more soon.


    Im grateful for the post.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • new mexico cbd

    the time to study or visit the subject material or web-sites we’ve linked to below the

  • business gifts singapore

    Thanks so much for the blog post.Really thank you! Cool.

  • cbd new jersey

    we prefer to honor lots of other net websites on the internet, even though they arent linked to us, by linking to them. Underneath are some webpages worth checking out

  • Royal CBD

    The details talked about in the article are a few of the most beneficial available

  • cbd oil nevada

    although websites we backlink to beneath are considerably not associated to ours, we feel they may be really worth a go via, so have a look


    Thanks again for the blog article.Much thanks again. Cool.

  • Hardwood Flooring Contractors

    Very neat blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Will read on…


    usually posts some very intriguing stuff like this. If you are new to this site

  • montana

    Here are a number of the sites we advise for our visitors


    Really enjoyed this post.Really thank you! Really Cool.

  • RoyalCBD

    Thanks a lot for the blog article.Really thank you! Really Great.

  • missouri cbd

    below youll come across the link to some websites that we assume you must visit

  • cbd oil michigan

    we prefer to honor lots of other world wide web web pages around the internet, even though they arent linked to us, by linking to them. Below are some webpages really worth checking out

  • minnesota

    very few sites that come about to be in depth below, from our point of view are undoubtedly nicely worth checking out

  • cbd massachusetts

    just beneath, are several entirely not connected websites to ours, on the other hand, they may be surely worth going over

  • tennessee cbd

    Say, you got a nice blog.Really looking forward to read more. Really Cool.

  • kentucky cbd

    Every once inside a even though we pick blogs that we study. Listed beneath would be the newest internet sites that we select

  • RoyalCBD

    that may be the end of this post. Here you will find some internet sites that we believe you will enjoy, just click the links over

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *