And Then I Brined The Turkey In Bleach.

posted by on 11/23/2011 | 198 comments (leave one of your own)

You should know by now that any time I manage to go five days without blogging someone is sick and probably throwing up on my pillow while I try to sleep.

It’s Troy. Stomach flu. AGAIN. Second time in two weeks. My pediatrician was all, “Wow, you must be trying to set a record”.

No, no we are not.  Unless the record is Going The Longest Without Seeing The Doctor.  Then I would like to set the shit out of that bad boy.

Monday night, after going out and buying everything we needed for Thanksgiving dinner because I refuse to be a dickhead in the grocery store at seven p.m. on Wednesday night (like last year and the year before that and the YOU GET THE POINT), Troy started Vomitpalooza.

My husband came home and I was all, “I need to shower, don’t give him anything to drink because you will wear it”. As I am stepping into the shower to rinse off, I hear Troy unload the cup of pedialyte ALL OVER MY BED that he let him drink.  He even put ice in the cup before he gave it to him.  How thoughtful.

Fact: My husband might have some sort of brain malfunction that causes him to block out the sound of my voice. Also a fact: I still haven’t showered.

So, I sit here and I’m trying to ignore how awful my stomach feels and I somehow need to turn all this into dinner tomorrow.


But before I can cook one thing, I need to disinfect my entire house. While doing important stomach flu internet research, I learned that the virus can live for two weeks on surfaces. OH GOD.  I also learned that cranberry juice could possibly prevent the stomach flu because it has antiviral potential, which is why the oceanspray bottle I am using for my turkey brine is missing some juice.  I drank a cup and threw in some tequila for good measure. I’m not going down without a fight.

Plus being kinda drunk helps me clean.


Happy Thanksgiving, playas. Or just Happy Thursday. Whatever. I’m down.

Oh Jesus.


  • backup keys

    Great delivery. Great arguments. Keep up the great

  • James Frazer-Mann

    I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good.
    I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a
    famous blogger if you are not already 😉 Cheers!

  • Education Business

    I’m still learning from you, as I’m making my way to the top as well. I definitely enjoy reading all that is posted on your blog.Keep the tips coming. I enjoyed it!

  • Auto Care and Service

    Needed to draft you the very little remark to finally say thanks once again for your unique thoughts you’ve provided in this article. It is quite particularly generous with people like you in giving openly all that a lot of folks could have offered as an electronic book to help with making some money for themselves, principally given that you might have done it if you ever considered necessary. These thoughts in addition acted as a fantastic way to recognize that the rest have the same dreams like my personal own to understand much more with regards to this condition. I am sure there are a lot more enjoyable opportunities ahead for individuals that check out your blog.

  • cards alone

    Thanks very interesting blog!

  • Auto Care and Service

    wonderful issues altogether, you simply received a new reader. What could you suggest about your put up that you just made a few days in the past? Any positive?

  • Auto Care and Service

    Somebody necessarily help to make significantly articles I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your web page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to create this particular put up extraordinary. Magnificent process!

  • Auto Care and Service

    Hello, you used to write wonderful, but the last few posts have been kinda boring… I miss your great writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!

  • Auto Care and Service

    Hello.This post was really remarkable, especially because I was looking for thoughts on this issue last Monday.

  • Auto Care and Service

    I’m still learning from you, while I’m trying to reach my goals. I definitely enjoy reading all that is posted on your site.Keep the tips coming. I enjoyed it!

  • compatible code scanner--

    Hi there i am kavin, its my first time to commenting anyplace, when i read this post i thought i
    could also create comment due to this brilliant article.

  • site link

    I was very pleased to discover this site. I wanted to thank you for your time just for this wonderful read!! I definitely appreciated every little bit of it and I have you book-marked to look at new things in your blog.

  • Metroclick.Com`

    MetroClick specializes in building completely interactive products like Photo Booth for rental or sale, Touch Screen Kiosks and Digital Signage, and experiences. With our own hardware production facility and in-house software development teams, we are able to achieve the highest level of customization and versatility for Photo Booths, Touch Screen Kiosks and Digital Signage. MetroClick, 121 Varick St, #301, New York, NY 10013, +1 646-843-0888

  • Auto Care and Service

    I have been browsing on-line more than three hours as of late, but I never found any fascinating article like yours. It¡¦s pretty worth sufficient for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made just right content as you probably did, the internet will likely be much more helpful than ever before.

  • Auto Care and Service

    You are a very intelligent individual!

  • Auto Care and Service

    hi!,I really like your writing so so much! percentage we keep up a correspondence extra approximately your article on AOL? I need an expert in this space to solve my problem. Maybe that is you! Taking a look forward to peer you.

  • Read this

    I really desire to advise you that I am new to having a blog and thoroughly adored your post. Quite possibly I am inclined to bookmark your blog post . You definitely have great article information. Value it for share-out with us the best web document

  • &MEtroclick

    Faytech North America is a touch screen Manufacturer of both monitors and pcs. They specialize in the design, development, manufacturing and marketing of Capacitive touch screen, Resistive touch screen, Industrial touch screen, IP65 touch screen, touchscreen monitors and integrated touchscreen PCs. Contact them at, 121 Varick Street,3rd Floor,New York, NY 10013,+1 646 205 3214

  • try this website

    Hi folks there, just turned conscious of your blog through yahoo, and discovered that it’s very beneficial. I will value if you decide to carry on such.

  • Auto Care and Service

    I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again since exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

  • code scanner types

    Hello just wanted to give you a brief heads up
    and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly.
    I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the
    same results.

  • Auto Care and Service

    Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing some research on that. And he just bought me lunch as I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thank you for lunch!

  • Auto Care and Service

    I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all webmasters and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.

  • useful reference is a site with many hypnosis downloads. Whether you are looking for free hypnosis downloads, self hypnosis download for mp3, video and any audio files, Michael Jemery has the downloads for you. You can download hypnosis from apps, audio, mp3 and even youtube !

  • Auto Care and Service

    I want to show some appreciation to the writer just for rescuing me from this particular matter. Right after scouting throughout the search engines and coming across thoughts that were not productive, I was thinking my life was gone. Living devoid of the strategies to the difficulties you’ve fixed by means of your guide is a serious case, as well as ones that could have in a negative way damaged my entire career if I hadn’t encountered your blog. Your own personal understanding and kindness in taking care of a lot of things was important. I’m not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t discovered such a stuff like this. I can at this moment look ahead to my future. Thanks a lot so much for the high quality and sensible help. I will not be reluctant to recommend the blog to any person who would like guide about this issue.

  • Emery EPS

    Emeryeps is a SEO(Search Engine optimzation) and Internet Marketing company. They help businesses to get traffic from various search engine and online community. They have seo experts and consultants with many years of SEO Experiences. No matter where your business is located, can help your business to secure your highly convertible leads online.

  • Auto Care and Service

    I simply couldn’t go away your site prior to suggesting that I actually enjoyed the standard information an individual provide in your visitors? Is gonna be again regularly in order to investigate cross-check new posts

  • Auto Care and Service

    A lot of thanks for your own effort on this web page. Kim loves carrying out investigation and it is easy to understand why. My spouse and i learn all relating to the compelling medium you deliver reliable techniques on this web site and as well attract response from others on this area so our daughter is truly starting to learn a lot. Take advantage of the rest of the year. You have been performing a good job.

  • Auto Care and Service

    Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?

  • business card prints

    Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with
    Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog
    to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good
    results. If you know of any please share. Thanks!

  • Auto Care and Service

    My husband and i have been very joyful when John could carry out his analysis because of the precious recommendations he gained through your weblog. It’s not at all simplistic just to find yourself handing out helpful hints which a number of people might have been trying to sell. And we also already know we’ve got you to be grateful to because of that. The main explanations you have made, the simple blog menu, the friendships you can aid to create – it is many awesome, and it is aiding our son and us reason why that concept is satisfying, which is certainly pretty fundamental. Many thanks for the whole thing!

  • Auto Care and Service

    Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Fantastic. I am also an expert in this topic so I can understand your effort.


    Faytech North America is a touch screen Manufacturer of both monitors and pcs. They specialize in the design, development, manufacturing and marketing of Capacitive touch screen, Resistive touch screen, Industrial touch screen, IP65 touch screen, touchscreen monitors and integrated touchscreen PCs. Contact them at, 121 Varick Street,3rd Floor,New York, NY 10013,+1 646 205 3214

  • Auto Care and Service

    Thank you, I have just been searching for information about this subject for ages and yours is the best I’ve found out till now. However, what in regards to the conclusion? Are you sure about the source?

  • Auto Care and Service

    Somebody essentially assist to make severely posts I would state. This is the very first time I frequented your website page and to this point? I surprised with the research you made to make this particular put up extraordinary. Wonderful job!

  • Auto Care and Service

    Utterly written subject matter, thankyou for information .

  • Auto Care and Service

    I would like to voice my passion for your generosity supporting individuals that actually need assistance with your content. Your personal dedication to passing the solution all-around ended up being extremely interesting and has surely permitted those like me to get to their pursuits. Your useful report can mean so much to me and even further to my office colleagues. Many thanks; from everyone of us.

  • Auto Care and Service

    F*ckin’ tremendous issues here. I’m very satisfied to see your article. Thanks a lot and i’m looking ahead to touch you. Will you please drop me a mail?

  • Auto Care and Service

    Some truly superb info , Sword lily I found this. “Absence is to love what wind is to fire it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.” by Comte DeBussy-Rabutin.

  • Auto Care and Service

    I’ve been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  • live porn

    Im into oral and butt sex; I love to be spanked; and I’m very sexxxy; I will go where other females won’t.

  • Auto Care and Service

    Fantastic goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you are just extremely fantastic. I really like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it wise. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a great site.

  • Auto Care and Service

    I simply wished to thank you so much all over again. I’m not certain the things I would have done in the absence of the recommendations contributed by you about that question. It was the scary situation for me personally, nevertheless witnessing this skilled manner you dealt with that made me to jump for happiness. Now i’m thankful for your assistance and hope that you recognize what a great job that you’re providing educating many people through your webpage. Most likely you’ve never come across any of us.

  • Shella

    WOW just what I was searching for. Came here by searching for
    confer heart protection

  • カラコン通販

    I want to show my gratitude for your kind-heartedness in support of visitors who have the need for help on this important matter. Your real dedication to getting the message all through ended up being certainly important and have in every case permitted professionals just like me to achieve their objectives. This helpful recommendations signifies much to me and substantially more to my office colleagues. Thank you; from all of us.

  • resep biar cepat hamil

    each time i used to read smaller content that
    also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this piece of writing which I
    am reading at this time.

  • menu makanan bayi usia 6 bulan

    This paragraph is in fact a pleasant one it helps new the web
    viewers, who are wishing for blogging.

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *