And Then I Brined The Turkey In Bleach.

posted by on 11/23/2011 | 4,406 comments (leave one of your own)

You should know by now that any time I manage to go five days without blogging someone is sick and probably throwing up on my pillow while I try to sleep.

It’s Troy. Stomach flu. AGAIN. Second time in two weeks. My pediatrician was all, “Wow, you must be trying to set a record”.

No, no we are not.  Unless the record is Going The Longest Without Seeing The Doctor.  Then I would like to set the shit out of that bad boy.

Monday night, after going out and buying everything we needed for Thanksgiving dinner because I refuse to be a dickhead in the grocery store at seven p.m. on Wednesday night (like last year and the year before that and the YOU GET THE POINT), Troy started Vomitpalooza.

My husband came home and I was all, “I need to shower, don’t give him anything to drink because you will wear it”. As I am stepping into the shower to rinse off, I hear Troy unload the cup of pedialyte ALL OVER MY BED that he let him drink.  He even put ice in the cup before he gave it to him.  How thoughtful.

Fact: My husband might have some sort of brain malfunction that causes him to block out the sound of my voice. Also a fact: I still haven’t showered.

So, I sit here and I’m trying to ignore how awful my stomach feels and I somehow need to turn all this into dinner tomorrow.


But before I can cook one thing, I need to disinfect my entire house. While doing important stomach flu internet research, I learned that the virus can live for two weeks on surfaces. OH GOD.  I also learned that cranberry juice could possibly prevent the stomach flu because it has antiviral potential, which is why the oceanspray bottle I am using for my turkey brine is missing some juice.  I drank a cup and threw in some tequila for good measure. I’m not going down without a fight.

Plus being kinda drunk helps me clean.


Happy Thanksgiving, playas. Or just Happy Thursday. Whatever. I’m down.

Oh Jesus.


  • digital service

    This is a topic that is close to my heart… Best wishes! Where are your contact details though?

  • truck repair services near me

    Hi, I do believe this is an excellent website. I stumbledupon it 😉 I’m going to revisit once again since i have bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide others.

  • 퍼스트카지노

    very handful of internet sites that happen to be detailed below, from our point of view are undoubtedly very well worth checking out

  • weekender camper

    Everything is very open with a really clear description of the challenges. It was really informative. Your website is extremely helpful. Many thanks for sharing!

  • 메리트카지노

    although sites we backlink to below are considerably not connected to ours, we really feel they’re truly worth a go by way of, so possess a look

  • 코인카지노

    here are some links to sites that we link to due to the fact we consider they are really worth visiting

  • google buy hacklink

    this web site best buy hacklink services and twitter and tiktok services.

  • kawhi leonard shoes

    I intended to send you this bit of observation to help say thank you again on your pleasing information you’ve shared here. This is really unbelievably generous of you to offer unhampered all a number of people could have supplied for an e book to generate some profit for their own end, primarily given that you might well have tried it if you ever desired. Those smart ideas in addition acted to become fantastic way to comprehend many people have the identical fervor really like mine to grasp very much more with respect to this matter. I’m sure there are thousands of more enjoyable periods in the future for individuals who examine your blog.

  • balenciaga sneakers

    I in addition to my guys have already been digesting the best pointers from your website and at once I had a terrible suspicion I never thanked the web site owner for those tips. Those young men came for that reason happy to see them and have now surely been using these things. Appreciate your really being really accommodating and then for figuring out certain tremendous areas millions of individuals are really desirous to be aware of. Our honest apologies for not saying thanks to you sooner.

  • nike react

    I am just writing to make you be aware of what a excellent discovery my cousin’s daughter found reading yuor web blog. She noticed many issues, including what it is like to possess an excellent teaching spirit to get men and women without difficulty fully understand specific impossible matters. You truly exceeded our own expected results. Thank you for giving such precious, trustworthy, edifying not to mention unique thoughts on your topic to Evelyn.

  • StevenReove

    dating sites for over 50
    single chat line free

  • Jamesengal can you purchase amoxicillin online

  • bucket truck repair near me

    I wanted to thank you for this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every bit of it. I’ve got you bookmarked to look at new things you post…

  • email marketing services

    Hey there! I simply would like to offer you a huge thumbs up for the great info you have got right here on this post. I will be coming back to your blog for more soon.

  • Custom Hoodies

    I love reading through a post that can make men and women think. Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!

  • StevenReove

    single women dating
    online dating site

  • neurontin 100mg tablets

    trazodone generic trazodone 100mg without a doctor prescriptionorder trazodone trazodone medication

  • antabuse 500mg purchase

    trazodone canada trazodone 25 mg coupontrazodone without a doctor prescription trazodone without prescription

  • mack truck

    Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to this web site before but after going through a few of the articles I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m certainly pleased I stumbled upon it and I’ll be book-marking it and checking back regularly!

  • cheapest tadalafil online compare prices

    cheapest tadalafil online compare prices

  • cheapest tadalafil online compare prices

    cheapest tadalafil online compare prices

  • canadian pharmacies that ship to us

    canadian pharmacies online

  • StevenReove

    free foreign dating sites free no fee
    plenty of fish dating site of free dating

  • canadian online pharmacy reviews

    canadian pharcharmy online

  • Forklift Repair Shop

    Hello there! This blog post couldn’t be written any better! Looking at this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He continually kept talking about this. I most certainly will send this post to him. Fairly certain he’ll have a great read. I appreciate you for sharing!

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *