Archive for November, 2011

And Then I Brined The Turkey In Bleach.

posted by on 11/23/2011

You should know by now that any time I manage to go five days without blogging someone is sick and probably throwing up on my pillow while I try to sleep.

It’s Troy. Stomach flu. AGAIN. Second time in two weeks. My pediatrician was all, “Wow, you must be trying to set a record”.

No, no we are not.  Unless the record is Going The Longest Without Seeing The Doctor.  Then I would like to set the shit out of that bad boy.

Monday night, after going out and buying everything we needed for Thanksgiving dinner because I refuse to be a dickhead in the grocery store at seven p.m. on Wednesday night (like last year and the year before that and the YOU GET THE POINT), Troy started Vomitpalooza.

My husband came home and I was all, “I need to shower, don’t give him anything to drink because you will wear it”. As I am stepping into the shower to rinse off, I hear Troy unload the cup of pedialyte ALL OVER MY BED that he let him drink.  He even put ice in the cup before he gave it to him.  How thoughtful.

Fact: My husband might have some sort of brain malfunction that causes him to block out the sound of my voice. Also a fact: I still haven’t showered.

So, I sit here and I’m trying to ignore how awful my stomach feels and I somehow need to turn all this into dinner tomorrow.

Enjoy.

But before I can cook one thing, I need to disinfect my entire house. While doing important stomach flu internet research, I learned that the virus can live for two weeks on surfaces. OH GOD.  I also learned that cranberry juice could possibly prevent the stomach flu because it has antiviral potential, which is why the oceanspray bottle I am using for my turkey brine is missing some juice.  I drank a cup and threw in some tequila for good measure. I’m not going down without a fight.

Plus being kinda drunk helps me clean.

ARMED

Happy Thanksgiving, playas. Or just Happy Thursday. Whatever. I’m down.

Oh Jesus.

 

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The Truth About Co-Sleeping. You’re Welcome.

posted by on 11/18/2011

I’ve discussed our journey regarding co-sleeping a few times. We basically have always had children sleeping in our bed, but now the children have their own beds. However that isn’t stopping them. We wake up in the morning to discover at least one child has migrated into our bed and usually brings some of their belongings along.

Like headphones, an iPod, legos, a fork (I don’t know), socks, hair ties, books, stuffed animals, earrings and crayons.  And this is just to name a few.

I sleep with ear plugs in now and I really don’t care if they have a rave downstairs and pass out on top of the entertainment cabinet, leave me out of it. Momma’s tired and needs at least seven hours of rest.

When I read about the controversial anti co-sleeping ad from the city of Milwaukee, I was intrigued. I mean, this baby’s parents have it made.

City of Milwaukee's ad

I mean, that little baby is co-sleeping its diapered ass off and only brought along one measly knife. One!

So, I made my own ad in response to their ad.

Co-sleeping.

Clearly the plastic hammer is for protection.

Team co-sleep 4/life.  Or until we start locking our bedroom door.

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