Children And Crafting Don’t Mix. It’s Like Drinking And Driving But More Dangerous.

posted by on 10/14/2011 | 500 comments (leave one of your own)

Troy is obsessed with rockets and all things space, so when we see a super spechul rocket thing, I usually buy it. Boy toys (heh) are limited to trucks and cars and if you come across something that isn’t a dump truck or a godforsaken hot wheel and represents space, you purchase it to make dreams come true.

By dreams, I mean Troy will play with a rocket for 25 minutes while Zoe is in school as opposed to playing with a car for 2.8 seconds, thus buying me computer time to look at napkin holders on Etsy.

I picked up a sun catcher for Troy’s room the last time we were at the craft store, a rocket! sun catcher. This means I paid $2.99 for a metal outline and a bunch of teeny tiny weird plastic bead thingies that you have to painstakingly place in the appointed outline WITH TWEEZERS and bake in the oven.

Zoe has completed one of these sun catchers, my sister helped her and it took them like three hours. Ours took one bottle of wine (me) and two timeouts (them).

4:00 pm: I unwrap sun catcher and supplies. Turn on oven. Skim over directions.

4:02: Realize after trying to pick up the beads with my oversized man hands that I need tweezers. Run upstairs to grab them.

4:07: Come back downstairs after plucking eyebrows and catch Troy eating the teeny tiny weird plastic probably toxic sun catcher beads. Ask him WTF and he is all, “Those sprinkles are gross”.

4:08: Send Troy to his room.

4:22: After 14 minutes of intense sun catcher design and bead placement at the kitchen table, I find my shoulder is cramping up. Stretch.

4:37: I’m not liking my color placement, undo some of my work on a rocket booster.

4:49: I’m not even half way done.

5:07: OMG, why is this taking so long.

5:16: Sun catcher complete. Get up to check on the oven and Zoe walks over to the table and says, “Oh, it looks good, Mom!”. Turn my head to see her reach down and PICK UP THE GODFORSAKEN SUN CATCHER that has yet to bake and set. Beads spill out everywhere, undoing my work from the LAST HOUR.

5:17 Send Zoe to her room. Open wine.

5:18: HOLYFUCKINGHELL, you have got to be kidding me. I have to start over.

6:02 Sun catcher Round Two is complete. Place sun catcher in the oven with the delicate precision of a surgeon.

Crafts are hard y’all. Respect.


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