The Indoor Flea Market Has Bargains. And STDs For Your Eyes.

posted by on 09/13/2011 | 183 comments (leave one of your own)

Don’t believe what anyone tells you, moving eats a big fat one.

I was so excited, I couldn’t wait to paint and decorate. Decorate is code sitting on my couch with my coffee and laptop while ordering a whole gaggle of stuff from Etsy.

The reality is our furniture doesn’t quite fit in our living room, there are still boxes in my hallway/den/dining room/garage, I can’t find my fancy TJMaxx saucers or my Tupperware, every window needs a window treatment and we will probably be looking at the burnt orange walls around the fireplace that the previous owners so thoughtfully barfed all over the living room courtesy of their lack of taste and a paintbrush until Zoe graduates high school.

I am a bit in over my busted up head.

We were in need of a round kitchen table, our kitchen table is a six feet long and rectangle shaped and is currently in the garage. I think we are going to eventually move it upstairs and use it as a desk in the office, I know, the suspense of this might kill you, but hang tight, I will make it happen. As soon as I figure out what to do with the 94 boxes of stuffed animals that are living on top of it.

Seriously, the next person that gives my children a stuffed animal gets a punch right to their crotch bone. Trust.

So instead of unpacking and cleaning, Troy and I loaded up while Zoe was in school and took off to the indoor flea market in search of the perfect kitchen table.  Perfect means it had to be less than $100 because that’s what I’ve made recently Craigslisting lately.  This building is huge and is full of just about everything you can imagine.  Antiques, art, junk, toys, junk and Troy was over it the minute we stepped foot inside.  He was all, “This store smells!” and “Can we leave this store? It’s too long”. And I was all, “Look with your eyes” and “Ooh, help momma find a table and I will buy you a milkshake!”.

We had been inside for about ten minutes when I spotted it.  The table was round, came with a leaf, solid oak and was priced at 30% off for the grand total of $31.50.

Troy and I quickly paid for that table, high fived and loaded our score of the decade into the truck.  I sped out of the parking lot before anyone could chase me down and tell me there had been a mistake in the price.

Victory was mine in form of the best kitchen table my trashed house could have asked for.

Victory was short lived because two days later I woke up with a raging case of PINK EYE.


My name is ZDub and the indoor flea market gave me conjunctivitis.

Always practice safe shopping, y’all. Look with your eyes my ass.

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