1. Yay, we bought a house! FUUUCCKK, we have to move.

2. We pulled up Saturday to unload our crap from the old house to the new house for the 16th time and there was a SQUIRREL in my driveway. PEE PANTS.

3. Our new neighbors are asian. PEE PANTS AGAIN.

4. I made my mother rent a storage unit for her “treasures” because by god we are parking actual cars in our garage and not 88 sets of her dishes and ratty afghans and fake trees and baskets and stuffed animals from when I was five and she rented the smallest storage unit available. Clearly she doesn’t understand how junk and storage works.

5. Number of times I threatened to put her in a home this weekend: Two. (I’m getting better.)

6. I wore the same pair of workout pants and socks all weekend (GROSS) and I can’t find my can opener.

7. I use the knife on my wine key to cut moving boxes open. Exacto knives are scary as eff.

8. Jeff might be going blind, but he can move some shit like nobody’s business.

9. I have only had one beer since Friday. Number of times I would have stabbed someone with my wine key knife this weekend for a drank: 18,020.

10: Through all of this, the children? Have been angels. This is the best I’ve seen them behave since, uh, well, ever. Seriously. They played daycare today in the new living room together for like four hours. Zoe said moving “sucks so bad because you have to keep driving back and forth”.

11. Exactly.

Driving back and forth and not having beer,
ZDub

That’s two acres.  We’re going to need a riding lawn mower tractor.  Stat.

We moved out of our perfectly tiny house when Troy was four months old.

We moved in with my mother because my dad died.

And she didn’t want to leave her house.

Collectively, we moved into a different house, a very lovely house, but it wasn’t our house.

We’ve since sold my mom’s house, the one she shared with my dad and we’ve sold our tiny house, the one we shared with our children.

Our lease was up, rates were low, we just needed the right one to come our way. Sure, we’ve looked at 67 houses, ones that would have been a great fit for our family and we could have settled many months ago.

I needed it to be just right.

Today things are more right than they have been in many years.

Today we bought a home.

After searching and searching, I found a home that is perfectly perfect.

Because as my dad lay dying in hospice, I made a promise. I promised my dad that I would take care of mom.

And today I made good on that promise.

Welcome home to us.  All of us.

I’ve recently noticed that Jeff has been squinting. Like a lot. If we are watching TV, he’s squinting his face off to the point of appearing asleep.

I called him out on that shit because I’m his wife and that’s what wives do. He mentioned that he was having a hard time seeing, oh you know, FAR AWAY.

Specifically when he was driving.

Because he just drives for a living. No big deal, Jeff. It’s not like we need to eat or wear clothes or have electricity.

We (this means me) made him an appointment with my eye doctor. He failed miserably and received a prize.

In the form of glasses.

I’m going to be completely honest with you, this news was difficult.  For me.  Jeff and I have been together since he was in his early twenties and I happen to be older than he is. For god’s sake, his nickname at work is Young Gun, not Old Blind Ass.

Someone should have warned me he was going to get old on me.  I mean, what’s next?  A hip replacement?  Triple Bypass?

Zoe was with us and as he tried on frames, she gave them thumbs up or thumbs down and then proceeded to select the pair that made him “look most hot”. She also followed that up with, “Not that I think you are hot, GOD NO, but I just want you to still be hot for moms and stuff”.

I’m going to look at it this way: at least they aren’t bifocals.

Stay hot, Jeff. You know, for the moms. And stuff.

My friend Winn sent these amazing dish towels to me. She should probably teach a class, like “ZDub Gift Giving 101″. Jeff would be her only student.

Thanks, Winn!