This Is Why I Usually Buy My Own Presents.

posted by on 07/29/2011 | 1,263 comments (leave one of your own)

OK, I don’t mean to come of like an ungrateful whore pit viper (like my sister*), or as my friend Steve says, a slut hole cobra, but my birthday present this year sucked.

Now I know I’m supposed to say “It’s the thought that counts BLAH BLAH BLAH”, but it’s not the thought that counts, it’s the gift that counts. Whoever came up with that bullshit expression must have been a very, very nice person. Or at least a more tolerable person than myself. You see, I am up in this muthaeffer making these folks dinner, washing their clothes, scrubbing toilets, that’s plural toilets because we have three.

And what does this group of jokers give me for my birthday (I know, we are still talking about it, but when you are my age it’s all you have)?

Do they go on Etsy and search SQUIRREL and proceed to buy any of  the 6,781 results that show up?

Do they get me a gift card to insert one the 52 stores I would like to shop at but don’t because I feel guilty?

Do they drop me off at the lake with a bottle of vodka and say, “See you in a six hours”?

Any of these options? Winners.

NO. They gave me a BLOW DRYER.

fublowdryer

In their defense, my blow dryer exploded a few weeks ago and this is a very pricey blow dryer.

In my defense, HELLO? Did we just meet? They are my family. I gave birth to two members. A blow dryer is a crap present. CRAP.

Me: (opens present) Uh wow, a blow dryer…
Them: Yeah, we knew that yours quit working.
Me: I don’t really blow dry my hair anymore…
Them: Right, because you didn’t have one.
Me: Is this a trick?

Many years ago, J gave me a rice cooker for Mother’s Day.  I thought we were past this, but clearly I was wrong.  It isn’t that he isn’t thoughtful, he’s just maybe too practical.  He called me on my birthday and asked where he should go to buy me balloons because he wanted to get the best price.

Please make me feel better and tell me about your crappy presents.

Returns and refunds,

ZDub

*My WPV sister gave a gift card to Shabby Apple, she wins at gifts.

    Comments
  • emagrecer


    You’ve made some decent points there. I checked on the net to find out more about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this web site.

  • Joieybyk


    does viagra increase libido
    buying generic viagra online
    women and viagra

  • CBD Lube


    Hello, just wanted to tell you, I loved this article. It was practical. Keep on posting!|

  • design my website


    Ahaa, its fastidious dialogue concerning this piece of writing here at this weblog, I have read all that, so now me also commenting here.|

  • Alexander Coleman Kime


    This site was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something which helped me. Many thanks!|

  • Textfactory review


    Just desire to say your article is as amazing. The clarity in your publish is just great and that i could assume you’re a professional on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to seize your RSS feed to keep up to date with coming near near post. Thanks one million and please continue the enjoyable work.|

  • rewindone.com


    Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!|

  • gymivorbereitung kanton zürich


    Hey very interesting blog!|

  • Metanttk


    company that makes viagra
    purchase viagra http://www.v1agrabuy.com viagra prescription
    natural viagra herbs

leave a comment
Your email is never shared.
Required fields are marked *