When Skies Are Grey.

posted by on 04/29/2011 | 128 comments (leave one of your own)

I have sung You Are My Sunshine every night to Zoe since she was born. I know the first two verses only and I only know those thanks to that scene in Beaches where Bette Midler is driving her sick lawyer BFF to the duh, beach. When Zoe was a tiny baby, she despised bedtime with the fire of a thousand suns. The only way I could get her to sleep was by singing that song over and over.  And it was enough. When Zoe was in the hospital in January and we were trying to swallow the big, bad diabetes diagnosis, I slept with her every night in that too small hospital bed. I sang that song over and over, hating that second verse with all my might.

***

We bought Zoe a necklace for her tenth birthday, I ordered it a few months before, I knew exactly what I wanted.  She was discharged from the hospital three days before her big day and there was no time to shop for gifts or plan a party.  I went to the store the morning of her birthday and bought supplies for “diabetes friendly cupcakes” because I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and the internet told me I should make them.  I was a wreck and I’m pretty sure I left out some ingredients because these cupcakes were whack. The ingredients that did make it in: Splenda, unsweetened applesauce, flax seed oil and sour cream, ingredients that really have no business being in a tasty cupcake.   (Note: Diabetic children can have regular cupcakes, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.)

I realized while wrapping Zoe’s gifts, and sobbing, don’t forget the sobbing, that my best girl only had two presents from us.  Your tenth birthday is a big deal, I mean, double digits.  I hoped that it would be enough.

When she opened the necklace, she stared at it for a long time and asked me if I could help her put it on.  She hugged me tight, so tight that I knew she understood.  She looked up at me and told me she never wanted to take it off.

***

Last Friday, I went up to school at lunch time to help Zoe with her dosing, not that she needs my help.  When she walked into the office, I could tell something was wrong.  She told me that she lost part of her necklace, the necklace we had given her.  She was trying not to cry, ten year olds don’t cry in front of the school secretary.  I told her I would help her find it, I mean, it had to be at school, right?  We retraced her steps down the hall, back to her class and to the bathroom.  No luck.  She then said that she noticed it was missing during PE while they were on the track.

Once we were outside, I mentioned that it might be gone and I would just order her another necklace.  Zoe stopped and told me with tears in her eyes that it wouldn’t be the same.  And I knew exactly what she meant.

I sent her back inside to eat lunch and I walked that track for well over a hour looking, searching for that tiny piece of metal.  As I traipsed around, over and beside the track, I became increasingly angry.  She’s just a little girl and why does she have to have such shitty luck?  It seems no matter what, I can’t make it right, it is never enough.

I drove home in tears, I even stopped on our corner and searched the ground around the bus stop.  Nothing.  I decided I would email the lady that made the necklace and ask if she could make another and hopefully Zoe would understand.  Sometimes we lose things and it happens.  The thought of that made me cry harder because it seems like that’s all I tell her anymore.  Diabetes?  It happens.  You go low and have to have juice? It happens.  Prick your fingers numerous times a day and take insulin just to stay alive?  It happens.  I just don’t know anything anymore, I don’t know what the hell I am doing.

Later, as I am making her bed, I pull back her sheet and quilt and there it was:  I found it.  I found her necklace.

And on that day, it was more than enough.

found.

    Comments
  • how to make you car burn water


    Ahaa, its pleasant conversation regarding this article at this place
    at this web site, I have read all that, so at this time me also commenting here.

  • Lelio Vieira Carneiro Junior


    What’s up, this weekend is good for me, because this occasion i am reading this enormous informative paragraph
    here at my home.

  • bigger butt


    Keep on writing, great job!

  • Randal


    Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa?
    My website goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours and I
    feel we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you might be interested feel free to shoot me an email.
    I look forward to hearing from you! Superb blog by the way!

  • James Frazer-Mann


    This website was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I’ve found something which helped me.
    Kudos!

  • Kandis


    Hello would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re using?

    I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and
    I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most.
    Can you recommend a good web hosting provider at a honest price?
    Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

  • Silvia Odete Morani Massad


    I am really thankful to the holder of this website who has shared this
    impressive paragraph at here.

  • security management systems


    Hi are using WordPress for your site platform?
    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying
    to get started and set up my own. Do you need any html coding knowledge to make your own blog?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  • James Frazer Mann


    Hello Dear, are you really visiting this web page regularly, if
    so then you will without doubt take pleasant
    experience.

  • key programmer


    Hi there! This blog post couldn’t be written any better!
    Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continually kept talking about this. I’ll
    send this article to him. Fairly certain he’ll have a very good read.
    Thank you for sharing!

  • josé wilame araújo rodrigues


    Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this write-up and the rest of the website is also really good.

  • car gas saving system


    A person necessarily help to make critically articles I’d state.
    This is the first time I frequented your website
    page and thus far? I amazed with the research you made to make
    this particular put up incredible. Excellent task!

  • greatest real estate


    Appreciation to my father who stated to me on the topic of this webpage, this webpage is truly amazing.

  • used kia cars


    What a stuff of un-ambiguity and preserveness of valuable know-how regarding unpredicted feelings.

  • key programming


    Heya i’m for the first time here. I found this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out much.
    I hope to give something back and help others like you helped me.

  • estate agent


    I think that is among the so much important info for me.
    And i am happy studying your article. But wanna commentary on some common things, The website taste is wonderful,
    the articles is in reality nice : D. Good job, cheers

  • business identity


    Everyone loves what you guys tend to be up too. Such clever work and reporting!
    Keep up the terrific works guys I’ve included you guys to my personal blogroll.

  • business card serves


    Good way of describing, and fastidious piece of writing to get data about my presentation focus, which i am going to present in university.

  • podcast first came


    This blog was… how do I say it? Relevant!! Finally I have found something which helped me.
    Thanks!

  • create podcasts


    Remarkable issues here. I am very happy to see your article.
    Thanks a lot and I’m taking a look forward to touch you.
    Will you kindly drop me a e-mail?

  • constant backup keys


    I am curious to find out what blog platform you’re utilizing?
    I’m having some small security issues with my latest blog and I’d like to find something
    more safe. Do you have any solutions?

  • offering niche podcasts


    Yes! Finally someone writes about duplicate key.

  • duplicate key


    Hello to every body, it’s my first visit of this website; this web site contains amazing and in fact excellent material in support of visitors.

  • car hydrogen


    What’s Happening i am new to this, I stumbled upon this
    I have found It absolutely useful and it has helped me out loads.
    I’m hoping to give a contribution & help different customers like its helped
    me. Good job.

  • cara cepat untuk bisa hamil


    Incredible! This blog looks exactly like my old one!
    It’s on a totally different subject but it has pretty much
    the same page layout and design. Superb choice of colors!

  • code scanners available


    Awesome! Its truly awesome paragraph, I have got much clear idea on the topic
    of from this piece of writing.

  • James Frazer-Mann


    Since the admin of this web site is working,
    no question very soon it will be famous, due to its feature contents.

  • commons.wikimedia.org


    I have read a few just right stuff here. Certainly value bookmarking for revisiting.
    I wonder how much attempt you put to make one of
    these fantastic informative website.

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *