Snake Eyes Are Scary. Especially When They Are Crafted Out Of Liquid Paper.

posted by on 04/06/2011 | 247 comments (leave one of your own)

I am terrified of snakes. Everyone should be, right? They are just lurking and hiding and waiting to kill you dead. I grew up in Oklahoma, home of the Cottonmouth AKA Water Moccasin, Copperhead and Rattlesnake. Snakes were always stalking us, you never knew where they would show up. Sometimes it was our BBQ pit, sometimes our garden, sometimes it was our barn, sometimes the mailbox. We were just walking around minding our business in Oklahoma, but you just never knew when the shit would get real and by get real I mean a poisonous whore pit viper snake will jump out of the mailbox while you check to see if the electric bill came.

My sister once rode over a snake in the street and it flipped up and got tangled in her bike pedals.  I’m not sure what happened after that because I was screaming and running the other direction.

Snakes are sick. Period.

That being said, I’m sure my dear darling daughter, who knows how I feel regarding nature’s vomit creatures, would most certainly never make a snake out of play-don’t. And she would most certainly never put it under my covers so when I got into bed it touched my feet and I had 31 heart attacks.

In a row.


When I threatened her, she told me to chill.

It’s just a Kingsnake, it’s not like they are poisonous. DUH.

Well then, carry on.

And by carry on I mean don’t do it again ever or I will sell you.

Snake hater,


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