Untitled Because I’m So Very Tired.

posted by on 09/21/2010 | 5,294 comments (leave one of your own)

I’m teetering on the edge, dangerously close to slipping and falling into a deep, dark space of scary. I want to run out the front door, out into the night and breathe the cool air in and exhale the dread and the terror. I picture myself running down the driveway and through the trees, barefoot and in my yoga pants that I wear for everything but yoga, with my ponytail stretching behind me as I pick up speed along the asphalt, the pine trees lining the road point me in the right direction.

Any direction is the right direction as long as it isn’t my effing house at bedtime.

Because god forbid we try to put people that are not adults to bed at a “decent” hour.

A “decent” hour at this house is eleven p.m. if you are Zoe. And one a.m. if you are Troy.

Zoe is pretty chill about the whole situation, she’s had nine years to come up with a fail proof plan on how to manipulate her way into staying up at least an hour past the original mention of “Get in bed“.

1. Accomplish all steps you were instructed to do, i.e. brush teeth, jammies, etc.
2. Go to room and read.
3. Read is code for “wait for your mother to activate DVR+laptop+wine because she thinks she’s victorious in executing a successful parenting mission”.
4. Turn off light, sneak into hallway and watch tv along with your mother until she catches you.

Troy has flat out decided that bedtime is for suckas. He is having none of it, unless we all go to bed at the same time in the big bed. Most of the time, I do not feel like going to bed at eight o’clock in the evening, so we have tried to convince Troy that his bedroom is the where it’s at, it being get-the-hell-out-of-our-room. We have tried to establish a soothing routine, you know, a relaxing bath, warm jammies, bedtime stories. OH GOD WITH THE BEDTIME STORIES. I’m talking board books out the face, we cover everything. From shapes and numbers, to goodnight moon, to that eff-hole Biscuit puppy ruining perfectly good birthday parties and hippos and their bee-bos, Troy is well read. Like probably the most well read toddler I know, I’m not kidding. Meanwhile, if I have to spend on more evening on a toddler mattress reading about the lady with the alligator purse I am going to need sedation. And a straight jacket. At least that way I won’t have to turn the pages of the same eighteen board books.

Dont’ get me wrong, it’s not all the reading that’s getting me down. It’s what comes after I try to stop reading, when I put the brakes on Midnight Story Time starring Mom and Troy.

HE FREAKS.

He needs to brush his teeth, which we did two hours ago when I originally decided he should go to bed. He requests to “look at Zoe”, who I am sure at this point is probably just sitting on the couch with the remote watching SATC reruns because she went to “bed” three hours ago and since I’m in Troy’s room having Bed Wars Showdown Part 65049, she doesn’t have to sit in the hallway. He absolutely cannot rest until he has *insert name of some random hot wheel car*. I have no idea what he’s talking about, so I have to go search through the car bin. At this point, he’s peed in his diaper (stall tactic, Zoe probably coached him) and I have to change him. He insists on a red diaper, only red, and then you must put his regular underwear on over it.

After this debacle that happens nightly, he falls asleep while I sit on the floor beside his bed and stare at him like Clarice from Silence of The Lambs.

When it’s over, I feel defeated. And tired because by the time Troy and I finish up the going to bed standoff, it’s one a.m. After this last go around, I might have gone in the kitchen and eaten an entire row of seasonal oreos to ease my pain.

Clearly there are no winners.

    Comments
  • click here for info thinkdataanalytics.com


    As always great news!

  • cadciali.com


    tadalafil dosage cialis buy Feylok dgaomc

  • shop uk|vape juice uk|e-liquid|online vape shop|premium vape juice|vape shop|eliquid|vape liquid| best vape tanks}


    Hey! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay. I’m undoubtedly enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.|

  • Carroldksq


    do male pornstars have to use viagra?
    viagra 100mg https://vae.me/jOYZ buy viagra
    what mg count of viagra should be taken

  • area rug cleaning


    Hello there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Cheers|

  • 10kva off grid solar system


    although web sites we backlink to below are considerably not connected to ours, we feel they are in fact worth a go via, so have a look

  • go now thinkdataanalytics.com


    This blog is great.

  • viagra without a doctor prescription


    https://www.withoutvisit.com viagra without a doctor prescription

  • view thinkdataanalytics.com


    As always great news!

  • Robinwxwc


    Hi there, I found your blog by means of Google even as looking for a related matter, your web site came up, it looks great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hi there, just was aware of your weblog thru Google, and located that it’s truly informative. I am going to watch out for brussels. I will appreciate for those who continue this in future. A lot of other folks might be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

  • security services america


    What’s up to every one, it’s in fact a nice for me to pay a visit this site, it consists of important Information.|

  • viagprsrx.com


    cialis generic name http://viagprsrx.com/ Uopqmq augtfh

  • moved here thinkdataanalytics.com


    One of your pages has a 404 error thought you should know.

  • Darlenabryn


    mexican viagra
    cialis prices https://aviib.com/ viagra side effects
    how to get the best results from viagracan i take viagra with metoprolol

  • Danillexvtx


    when will viagra be sold over the counter
    generic cialisnizagara 100 mg vs viagra https://popularedstore.com/ stendra vs viagra
    is viagra good for you

  • Antione Hellyer


    Spot on with this write-up, I actually believe this amazing site needs far more attention. I’ll probably be back again to read through more, thanks for the info!

  • Lesleyopwf


    what is the common dose of viagra
    sildenafil citrate 100mg genericbuy cialis online without script https://popularedstore.com/ tadalafil 5mg
    viagra us

  • Halleyhbop


    when does generic viagra come outbest places to buy generic viagra
    buy viagra online https://popularedstore.com/ viagra vs cialisviagra generic availability
    home made viagra

  • adidas yeezy


    I have to show some appreciation to this writer for rescuing me from this particular situation. After scouting throughout the world-wide-web and coming across principles which are not pleasant, I thought my life was well over. Living devoid of the solutions to the difficulties you’ve fixed by means of this post is a serious case, as well as those which could have negatively affected my career if I hadn’t come across your website. Your good competence and kindness in touching all the details was invaluable. I don’t know what I would’ve done if I hadn’t come across such a point like this. I’m able to at this moment relish my future. Thank you so much for your reliable and effective guide. I won’t think twice to propose your site to anyone who wants and needs guide about this subject.

  • balenciaga sneakers


    My husband and i have been so lucky that Chris managed to round up his analysis because of the ideas he came across while using the web site. It is now and again perplexing to just always be giving away secrets which some other people might have been selling. And we do know we now have the blog owner to be grateful to for this. The specific explanations you’ve made, the simple website navigation, the relationships your site aid to foster – it is many impressive, and it is assisting our son in addition to our family imagine that this concept is thrilling, and that’s highly important. Thanks for the whole thing!

  • supreme clothing


    I would like to show some thanks to you just for bailing me out of this trouble. After surfing throughout the internet and obtaining advice which are not productive, I was thinking my entire life was done. Living minus the approaches to the difficulties you’ve fixed by means of your good write-up is a crucial case, and those which might have in a wrong way damaged my career if I hadn’t encountered the blog. Your personal expertise and kindness in maneuvering all the stuff was important. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I had not discovered such a stuff like this. I am able to at this time look ahead to my future. Thanks for your time so much for this expert and sensible help. I will not hesitate to endorse your web blog to any individual who would need care about this area.

  • Yoshie Diederichs


    An interesting discussion is worth comment. I do believe that you ought to write more about this issue, it may not be a taboo matter but generally folks don’t discuss these subjects. To the next! Cheers!!

  • visit thinkdataanalytics.com


    I love reading your website.

  • Albinatldw


    sponsored by viagra meaningviagra 100mg 50mg 25 mg = what in sildenafil mg
    viagra coupons https://popularedstore.com/ blue chew viagra scam
    what happens when a girl takes viagrawhat is the maximum dose of viagra

  • Jazminexfti


    I have been browsing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the net will be much more useful than ever before.

  • read the full info here thinkdataanalytics.com


    One of your pages has a 404 error thought you should know.

  • On-Site SEO


    Why users still make use of to read news papers when in this technological globe everything is available on web?|

  • click more


    Your article makes perfect sense. Writing that is worth reading. oh yeah btw also visit my website. Thanks

  • straight from the source thinkdataanalytics.com


    One of your pages has a 404 error thought you should know.

  • https://aacialisn.com/


    buy nexium australia
    generic cialis 20mg best buy mexico
    seroquel borderline personality Bow grory

  • Tempieolaa


    ecstasy and viagra
    viagra 100mg https://slimex365.com/3hrud viagra generic
    how often can you take viagra 50mg

  • Lucillaxnod


    I’ve been browsing online greater than 3 hours nowadays, but I never discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. It is lovely value sufficient for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made just right content as you probably did, the web will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  • https://aacialisn.com/


    order cialis for men and women
    cialis super active review
    is viagra available generically Bow grory

  • Podcast


    If you want to increase your know-how simply keep visiting this web site and be updated with the latest news update posted here.|

  • explanation thinkdataanalytics.com


    As always great news!

  • vip security services


    Today, I went to the beach with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!|

  • Buy Mini Australian Shepherd Puppy


    Wonderful story, reckoned we could combine a few unrelated data, nevertheless really really worth taking a appear, whoa did one master about Mid East has got additional problerms also

  • Grazyna Whiteleather


    This is a topic which is close to my heart… Many thanks! Exactly where are your contact details though?

  • Thadshzp


    how many options are there for viagrahow to get an erection without viagra
    cialis without a doctor’s prescription https://aviib.com/ cialis prices
    what is it like to consume viagrawhat pharmacy can i buy viagra

  • best to buy


    one of our guests not long ago advised the following website

  • https://aacialisn.com/


    buy arimidex online india
    cialis generic best price
    buy maxalt rizatriptan Bow grory

  • vigaspro.com


    viagra online usa viagra from india Ghzcwu uegfzt

  • www.folkd.com/user/VirgieSchmeling


    This is a topic that is close to my heart… Cheers! Where are your contact details though?|

  • you can check here towardsanalytic.com


    Amazing content here.

  • clinica novazzi


    I enjoy what you guys are up too. This sort of clever work and exposure! Keep up the terrific works guys I’ve you guys to my blogroll.|

  • AnthonyPaulp


    generic name for viagra buying viagra online generic viagra names
    ed online pharmacy

  • Danielletbfa


    viagra 200mg pills taking viagra on plane
    cheap viagra sildenafil 20 mg tablet vs viagra https://aviib.com/ cialis over the counter
    who is the woman in the football jersey in viagra commercial

  • blog here towardsanalytic.com


    Amazing content here.

  • Porfirio Kutz


    Hi, I do think this is an excellent site. I stumbledupon it 😉 I will revisit yet again since I bookmarked it. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and continue to guide other people.

  • Barn Doors Atlanta


    Does your site have a contact page? I’m having trouble locating it but, I’d like to send you an e-mail. I’ve got some creative ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.|

    leave a comment
    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *