Untitled Because I’m So Very Tired.

posted by on 09/21/2010 | 6,077 comments (leave one of your own)

I’m teetering on the edge, dangerously close to slipping and falling into a deep, dark space of scary. I want to run out the front door, out into the night and breathe the cool air in and exhale the dread and the terror. I picture myself running down the driveway and through the trees, barefoot and in my yoga pants that I wear for everything but yoga, with my ponytail stretching behind me as I pick up speed along the asphalt, the pine trees lining the road point me in the right direction.

Any direction is the right direction as long as it isn’t my effing house at bedtime.

Because god forbid we try to put people that are not adults to bed at a “decent” hour.

A “decent” hour at this house is eleven p.m. if you are Zoe. And one a.m. if you are Troy.

Zoe is pretty chill about the whole situation, she’s had nine years to come up with a fail proof plan on how to manipulate her way into staying up at least an hour past the original mention of “Get in bed“.

1. Accomplish all steps you were instructed to do, i.e. brush teeth, jammies, etc.
2. Go to room and read.
3. Read is code for “wait for your mother to activate DVR+laptop+wine because she thinks she’s victorious in executing a successful parenting mission”.
4. Turn off light, sneak into hallway and watch tv along with your mother until she catches you.

Troy has flat out decided that bedtime is for suckas. He is having none of it, unless we all go to bed at the same time in the big bed. Most of the time, I do not feel like going to bed at eight o’clock in the evening, so we have tried to convince Troy that his bedroom is the where it’s at, it being get-the-hell-out-of-our-room. We have tried to establish a soothing routine, you know, a relaxing bath, warm jammies, bedtime stories. OH GOD WITH THE BEDTIME STORIES. I’m talking board books out the face, we cover everything. From shapes and numbers, to goodnight moon, to that eff-hole Biscuit puppy ruining perfectly good birthday parties and hippos and their bee-bos, Troy is well read. Like probably the most well read toddler I know, I’m not kidding. Meanwhile, if I have to spend on more evening on a toddler mattress reading about the lady with the alligator purse I am going to need sedation. And a straight jacket. At least that way I won’t have to turn the pages of the same eighteen board books.

Dont’ get me wrong, it’s not all the reading that’s getting me down. It’s what comes after I try to stop reading, when I put the brakes on Midnight Story Time starring Mom and Troy.


He needs to brush his teeth, which we did two hours ago when I originally decided he should go to bed. He requests to “look at Zoe”, who I am sure at this point is probably just sitting on the couch with the remote watching SATC reruns because she went to “bed” three hours ago and since I’m in Troy’s room having Bed Wars Showdown Part 65049, she doesn’t have to sit in the hallway. He absolutely cannot rest until he has *insert name of some random hot wheel car*. I have no idea what he’s talking about, so I have to go search through the car bin. At this point, he’s peed in his diaper (stall tactic, Zoe probably coached him) and I have to change him. He insists on a red diaper, only red, and then you must put his regular underwear on over it.

After this debacle that happens nightly, he falls asleep while I sit on the floor beside his bed and stare at him like Clarice from Silence of The Lambs.

When it’s over, I feel defeated. And tired because by the time Troy and I finish up the going to bed standoff, it’s one a.m. After this last go around, I might have gone in the kitchen and eaten an entire row of seasonal oreos to ease my pain.

Clearly there are no winners.

  • Shoshana Funderbunk

    What’s up, this weekend is nice for me, as this point in time i am reading this impressive informative post here at my residence.|

  • here

    Lance Shattuck is whatever you can call me but could call me anything you like. Puerto Rico exactly where she and her husband live and she has exactly she needs there. Supervising is her profession. Climbing location that he’s been doing for numerous. You can always find his website here: #link#

  • Deja Hermanstorfer

    Hi to all, the contents existing at this website are genuinely amazing for people knowledge, well, keep up the nice work fellows.|

  • 해운대고구려

    I really like reading through an article that can make people think. Also, thank you for permitting me to comment!

  • 먹튀폴리스

    Heya! I realize this is sort of off-topic however I had to ask. Does managing a well-established blog like yours require a massive amount work? I am completely new to running a blog however I do write in my journal daily. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my experience and feelings online. Please let me know if you have any suggestions or tips for new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!|

  • 먹튀폴리스

    I think the admin of this web page is really working hard for his web page, for the reason that here every information is quality based material.|

  • jet power washing

    Hey there! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any recommendations?

  • hydro pressure washing

    I used to be very pleased to seek out this web-site.I wished to thanks for your time for this excellent read!! I positively enjoying each little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.

  • Chaya Perlmutter

    Generally I do not read post on blogs, however I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do so! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thank you, quite nice article.|

  • Pgawjd

    online levitra – vardenafil herbal ed treatment

  • Wendy Witwer

    Hi I am so grateful I found your blog, I really found you by accident, while I was researching on Bing for something else, Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say kudos for a remarkable post and a all round interesting blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to look over it all at the minute but I have saved it and also added in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read a great deal more, Please do keep up the fantastic work.|

  • Kieth Jadoo


  • soul cbd

    Wow, great blog.Much thanks again. Cool.

  • Colin Due

    Wow! Thank you! I always wanted to write on my site something like that. Can I implement a part of your post to my site?

  • Fernando Lozzi

    I love this blog

  • Garrett Hedler

    Attractive component of content. I simply stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to claim that I acquire in fact loved account your blog posts. Anyway I’ll be subscribing to your feeds and even I fulfillment you get admission to persistently quickly.|

  • Wendy Witwer

    A person essentially lend a hand to make seriously articles I would state. That is the first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I surprised with the research you made to create this particular post extraordinary. Excellent process!|

  • singulair online pharmacy

    rogaine 5% tablet rogaine 5% usa rogaine 5% purchase

  • Millicent Lozier

    fantastic submit, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector do not realize this. You should continue your writing. I’m confident, you have a great readers’ base already!

  • Tony Dietrich


  • Tony Dietrich Gainesville VA

    Fabulous, what a blog it is! This weblog provides valuable information to us, keep it up.|

  • Tanesha Arbo

    Well I sincerely enjoyed studying it. This tip provided by you is very helpful for accurate planning.

  • amoxicillin tablets

    singulair 5mg online singulair without a doctor prescription singulair 4mg united states

  • greg martellotto

    Im obliged for the blog.Really looking forward to read more.

  • Jamaal Granroth

    Awesome! Its truly remarkable post, I have got much clear idea about from this piece of writing.|

  • Covid19 Fake Test

    Highly descriptive blog, I enjoyed that bit. Will there be a part 2?|

  • p2p사이트 순위

    You ought to take part in a contest for one of the most useful blogs on the web. I most certainly will highly recommend this web site!|

  • p2p사이트 순위

    I do agree with all of the ideas you’ve presented for your post. They’re very convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are too quick for starters. May you please lengthen them a bit from next time? Thank you for the post.|

  • stoney patch edibles

    Hi everybody, here every person is sharing these kinds of familiarity, therefore it’s good to read this webpage, and I used to pay a visit this website every day.|

  • Jere Shedlock

    I love this blog

  • top 10 online pharmacies


  • anything over the counter like viagra


  • 먹튀

    Great article. I am dealing with many of these issues as well..

  • Tony Dietrich

    Hi there to all, for the reason that I am in fact eager of reading this webpage’s post to be updated on a regular basis. It carries fastidious information.|

  • Tony Dietrich Gainesville VA

    Highly descriptive blog, I loved that a lot. Will there be a part 2?|

  • hydrojet power washer

    I抣l right away grab your rss feed as I can’t find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Please let me know so that I could subscribe. Thanks.

  • Tipobet yeni giriş adresi

    Im obliged for the blog.Really thank you! Fantastic.

  • p2p사이트

    When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Bless you!|

  • demedvgrCoita

    viagra 100mg erfahrungsberichte viagra preis viagra in polen kaufen
    wie wende ich viagra an

  • p2p사이트 순위

    I’m gone to tell my little brother, that he should also pay a visit this web site on regular basis to take updated from hottest information.|

  • demedvgrCoita

    billig viagra online viagra viagra kaufen apotheke kosten
    wie lange wirkt viagra

  • Covid19 Fake Test

    This article offers clear idea designed for the new users of blogging, that in fact how to do running a blog.|

  • Tony Dietrich


  • stoney patch kids

    Do you have any video of that? I’d want to find out more details.|

  • Tinder dating site

    tider , tinder date https://tinderdatingsiteus.com/

  • 먹튀사이트

    Hi, I believe your web site could possibly be having internet browser compatibility problems. When I look at your blog in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping issues. I merely wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other than that, excellent site!

  • hydro jet high pressure power washer

    I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two images. Maybe you could space it out better?

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from mature porn
    Sunday, 24 January, 2021

    mature porn

    […]please go to the web sites we adhere to, like this one particular, as it represents our picks from the web[…]

  • Trackback from تحميل اغانى
    Sunday, 24 January, 2021

    تحميل اغانى

    […]Here is a great Weblog You may Obtain Exciting that we Encourage You[…]

  • Trackback from Japanese Porn Land
    Sunday, 24 January, 2021

    Japanese Porn Land

    […]Sites of interest we’ve a link to[…]

leave a comment
Your email is never shared.
Required fields are marked *