Untitled Because I’m So Very Tired.

posted by on 09/21/2010 | 6,225 comments (leave one of your own)

I’m teetering on the edge, dangerously close to slipping and falling into a deep, dark space of scary. I want to run out the front door, out into the night and breathe the cool air in and exhale the dread and the terror. I picture myself running down the driveway and through the trees, barefoot and in my yoga pants that I wear for everything but yoga, with my ponytail stretching behind me as I pick up speed along the asphalt, the pine trees lining the road point me in the right direction.

Any direction is the right direction as long as it isn’t my effing house at bedtime.

Because god forbid we try to put people that are not adults to bed at a “decent” hour.

A “decent” hour at this house is eleven p.m. if you are Zoe. And one a.m. if you are Troy.

Zoe is pretty chill about the whole situation, she’s had nine years to come up with a fail proof plan on how to manipulate her way into staying up at least an hour past the original mention of “Get in bed“.

1. Accomplish all steps you were instructed to do, i.e. brush teeth, jammies, etc.
2. Go to room and read.
3. Read is code for “wait for your mother to activate DVR+laptop+wine because she thinks she’s victorious in executing a successful parenting mission”.
4. Turn off light, sneak into hallway and watch tv along with your mother until she catches you.

Troy has flat out decided that bedtime is for suckas. He is having none of it, unless we all go to bed at the same time in the big bed. Most of the time, I do not feel like going to bed at eight o’clock in the evening, so we have tried to convince Troy that his bedroom is the where it’s at, it being get-the-hell-out-of-our-room. We have tried to establish a soothing routine, you know, a relaxing bath, warm jammies, bedtime stories. OH GOD WITH THE BEDTIME STORIES. I’m talking board books out the face, we cover everything. From shapes and numbers, to goodnight moon, to that eff-hole Biscuit puppy ruining perfectly good birthday parties and hippos and their bee-bos, Troy is well read. Like probably the most well read toddler I know, I’m not kidding. Meanwhile, if I have to spend on more evening on a toddler mattress reading about the lady with the alligator purse I am going to need sedation. And a straight jacket. At least that way I won’t have to turn the pages of the same eighteen board books.

Dont’ get me wrong, it’s not all the reading that’s getting me down. It’s what comes after I try to stop reading, when I put the brakes on Midnight Story Time starring Mom and Troy.


He needs to brush his teeth, which we did two hours ago when I originally decided he should go to bed. He requests to “look at Zoe”, who I am sure at this point is probably just sitting on the couch with the remote watching SATC reruns because she went to “bed” three hours ago and since I’m in Troy’s room having Bed Wars Showdown Part 65049, she doesn’t have to sit in the hallway. He absolutely cannot rest until he has *insert name of some random hot wheel car*. I have no idea what he’s talking about, so I have to go search through the car bin. At this point, he’s peed in his diaper (stall tactic, Zoe probably coached him) and I have to change him. He insists on a red diaper, only red, and then you must put his regular underwear on over it.

After this debacle that happens nightly, he falls asleep while I sit on the floor beside his bed and stare at him like Clarice from Silence of The Lambs.

When it’s over, I feel defeated. And tired because by the time Troy and I finish up the going to bed standoff, it’s one a.m. After this last go around, I might have gone in the kitchen and eaten an entire row of seasonal oreos to ease my pain.

Clearly there are no winners.

  • xero singapore

    A big thank you for your blog.Really thank you! Cool.

  • free dating websites

    free online dating websites,dating online free
    free dating,dating online free http://freedatingste.com/

  • microsoft office home & business 2019 mac

    This website can be a walk-by way of for all the information you needed about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and also you’ll positively uncover it.

  • Euneeqp

    You actually reported that exceptionally well. cialis 10mg

  • top real estate agent singapore

    Really appreciate you sharing this blog article.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  • Claude Heiserman


  • visitt my profile

    Just desire to say your article is as surprising. The clarity to your submit is simply excellent and that i could assume you are an expert in this subject. Well along with your permission let me to grasp your feed to stay updated with imminent post. Thanks one million and please keep up the gratifying work.|

  • Njsksdudq

    cialis coupons
    cialis maximum dosage

  • singapore real estate agent

    I really liked your article. Really Great.

  • visitt my profile

    Howdy! This blog post couldn’t be written much better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept talking about this. I am going to forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a great read. Thank you for sharing!|

  • 우리카지노

    Very descriptive post, I enjoyed that a lot. Will there be a part 2?|

  • 샌즈카지노

    Does your website have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great website and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.|

  • Elfrieda Snelgrove

    I’d like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this blog. I’m hoping to view the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has encouraged me to get my own website now 😉

  • Njsksdudq

    real cialis without a doctor prescription
    generic cialis at walgreens pharmacy

  • cialis

    https://tadalafilrembo.com – opinion comprar cialis

  • top cheap dumpster rental

    Great, thanks for sharing this blog article.Thanks Again. Awesome.

  • proscar medication

    proscar 5 mg united states where can i buy proscar 5mg proscar united kingdom

  • seroquel 300mg nz

    prednisolone purchase prednisolone purchase order prednisolone

  • 1stmodafinilhierm

    modafinil adhd dosage provigil medicine reddit modafinil for depression
    how long is modafinil effective for

  • 1stmodafinilhierm

    modafinil long term generic modafinil who prescribes modafinil?
    what is provigil 200 mg

  • using yoga for weight loss

    This is one awesome blog article.Much thanks again. Really Cool.

  • Kedhqn

    best male ed pills – http://erectileprop.com/ ed pills

  • Elfriede Sincell


  • Katharine Bhardwaj

    Your style is really unique compared to other people I have read stuff from. I appreciate you for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I’ll just book mark this web site.

  • https://offerweightloss.mystrikingly.com/

    Thank you ever so for you blog article.Thanks Again. Will read on…

  • Amal Mieczkowski


  • 우리카지노

    Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back often!|

  • 우리카지노

    Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Many thanks, However I am experiencing troubles with your RSS. I don’t know the reason why I am unable to join it. Is there anyone else getting similar RSS issues? Anybody who knows the answer will you kindly respond? Thanx!!|

  • Website emergency electrician

    Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get annoyed while people think about worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks

  • thailand tours

    Heya i am for the primary time here. I found this board and I to find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot. I am hoping to present something again and help others such as you helped me.|

  • prescription drugs without prior prescription


  • buy micardis

    seroquel no prescription how to buy seroquel 100mg seroquel australia

  • Scott Dietrich

    Why visitors still use to read news papers when in this technological globe all is existing on net?|

  • thailand best beaches

    It’s actually a nice and useful piece of info. I’m satisfied that you shared this useful information with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thanks for sharing.|

  • Dmukid

    buy generic viagra – http://cialistedp.com/ ed medication online

  • buy fentanyl

    If you are going for most excellent contents like me, just pay a visit this site all the time as it presents quality contents, thanks|

  • fishscale coke

    I’m extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays.|

  • Tony Dietrich

    Wonderful article! This is the type of info that are meant to be shared around the net. Shame on the seek engines for now not positioning this submit higher! Come on over and consult with my site . Thanks =)|

  • Anthony Dietrich

    This post is invaluable. How can I find out more?|

  • Carl Michael Miele

    Wonderful, what a weblog it is! This weblog gives valuable data to us, keep it up.|

  • xvides

    I like the valuable info you supply for your articles. I’ll bookmark your blog and check again here regularly. I’m fairly sure I will be told many new stuff right right here! Best of luck for the next!|

  • xvides

    Great blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely overwhelmed .. Any suggestions? Many thanks!|

  • frmedclsChind

    purchase cialis le cialis prix ou acheter du cialis a paris
    combien de temps dure l’effet du cialis

  • frmedclsChind

    cialis jeune cialis nom du generique du cialis
    ou commander cialis

  • original site electric company

    I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I’m quite sure I will learn many new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  • windows 10 genuine price

    I am really enjoying the theme/design of your weblog. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility issues? A few of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this issue?

  • porn

    What’s up, its good post about media print, we all be aware of media is a fantastic source of data.|

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from spiegel
    Tuesday, 19 January, 2021


    […]just beneath, are quite a few completely not connected web pages to ours, on the other hand, they are surely really worth going over[…]

  • Trackback from postimees
    Wednesday, 20 January, 2021


    […]we prefer to honor several other net web sites on the web, even though they aren’t linked to us, by linking to them. Below are some webpages really worth checking out[…]

  • Trackback from lemonde
    Thursday, 21 January, 2021


    […]always a huge fan of linking to bloggers that I love but don’t get a good deal of link adore from[…]

leave a comment
Your email is never shared.
Required fields are marked *