You Can Take It With You. Just Ask Zoe.
Zoe is a straight up collector. I don’t want to call her a ‘pack rat’ because I’m not into labels. Open any drawer in her room and you will see various scraps of paper, broken toys, junk mail, pen lids, shoelaces, my old make-up, diaper pins, broken crayons to back up my claim. You might be thinking, “Well ZDub, maybe you should clean house more often” and I’m here to tell, you I TRY. I really do. If I attempt to empty that crap out, Zoe is on the scene arguing her case about each item like a defense lawyer. I feel she comes by her collection tendencies naturally and when I say naturally, I mean from my mother. My mother is also a collector. Come over and take a look at my garage, the downstairs where my mother lives and also the basement of the house she still owns. That woman loves stuff. If you are coming over, bring something strong for us to drink because looking at that mess gives me anxiety and you will probably be here for awhile.
This morning I packed Zoe’s lunch and went to toss it into her back pack. I picked up her back pack and realized it weighed a ton. And was rattling.
I emptied it out and let’s review. Zoe’s notes regarding each item are in purple.
- Jeff’s UPS beanie-In case there’s a blizzard
- my scarf I thought I lost-In case my neck gets cold in class
- jar of lip gloss-You always need stuff on your lips in Colorado (she’s right)
- golf ball-I found it front of the school and thought Brother would like it (aww)
- eight pencils and a Sharpie-You never know when you might need extras
- a bag of fudge from December-It was kinda gross
- tube of Carmex-I FOUND IT (she didn’t use it)
- tickets-I got them for being nice in class and was supposed to turn them in
- ball of foil-I found it in the hallway
- small hundred dollar bill magnet-Kayla gave it to me for an eraser
- bracelet-My friend made it for me and I like to wear it sometimes
- heart barrette-I found it in P.E. (I’m noticing a trend)
- library good citizen award from August-Because I always put my books back and don’t yell and run around and stuff
- comb-It’s from picture day, but I lost mine and Trevor gave me his (?!)
- purple sticker-We used them in art and I didn’t want to throw mine away
- black button-It fell off my coat and I forgot to tell you about it because you can’t sew (rude)
- broken candy cane-In case I get hungry after school
- a plastic spoon-I used it to eat pudding at lunch and thought I could recycle it
- a LIGHTER-I found it in the gym (it totally works, oy)
- a business card from a DRIVING SCHOOL (wait for it)-You never know
Let me just point out that if I get pulled over with a spoon, a ball of foil and a lighter in my purse, it is safe to say I would probably go to j-a-i-l or at least get my car searched. I told her if she did go to driving school and learned to drive she needed to get a job. I saw her eyes light up and I know she was thinking of all the crap she could buy. Or at least the amazing stuff she could find on the floor of her work.
Krëg
Sounds like she's freebasing Carmex.
Midwest Mommy
At least it looks like clean stuff. I empty the diaper bag and some of that stuff is just nasty with chewed gold fish cracker gunk.
Miss Thystle
"you just never know" Zoe baby, you are SO RIGHT. You probably should get a business card for a lawyer, a compass, a safety pin and some string.
If you were a grown up I'd add xanax, an airplane sized bottle of whiskey, a tampon and a condom to that list.
meredith
you gotta admit – the girl makes some damn good points.
my mother is the same way and it drives me insane. she keeps everything "just in case she might need it." it's all "neatly" organized in huge plastic tubs. she had a giant closet built in my parents' house (the size of a bedroom) solely dedicated to her "stuff" this way her shit's all in one place and she doesn't look like she should be on an episode of hoarders. fortunately, she keeps the rest of her house crap free.
The Water Girl
It's like your daughter is Macgyver or something. She's going to disassemble bombs with that stuff…you never know.
Krista
Not that I'm insinuating ANYTHING, but have you ever seen the show Hoarders? Just sayin'
Heather D
A child after my own heart. Seriously. 'Collecting' runs in my family. It's getting less pronounced through the generations. When my Grandma died, we found a box full of twist ties, another of rinsed out sandwich bags, every single piece of school work my mom and her sibs did, etc., etc.
I hope I'm not that bad!
Emily
I did the same thing with my purse a few weeks ago! Scary. Here's the list I came up with:
http://emuf.blogspot.com/2009/12/dust-is-settling.html
Today's blog entry also gives a useful thing to do with old crayons. In case you find a few more. Good timing!
jayme
yuck, i hate writing with pencils.
on another notes, she's very well prepared and i would like for zoe to be around if i were ever stranded somewhere that i would need a spoon, a ball of foil, and a lighter…urrr, i mean…what?
mepsipax
Oy vey. You are right on the combination of things she has. You are totally going to jail. That is hilarious. Not in a "I am laughing at your child" way…more of I am laughing with you way… you are laughing?
Something Happened Somewhere Turning
A lighter? When I catch my girls with a lighter it usually means they have been making smores. Seriously, they roast one marshmellow at a time with it.
I really need to put a barbecue pit out in the back yard.
Adriane
The lighter is the best, clearly. But, the business card and ball of foil are my favorites. So random, so funny.
Chocolate Girl
Just keep all that stuff in her backpack. If you're ever trapped in an elevator or a mine shaft, it will be Zoe that can get you out.
Jennifer
My husband is a collector, so I understand your pain.
And get this…my 14 year old daughter has NO DESIRE to learn how to drive. She said the prospect "scares her to death" and I can just drive her where ever she needs to go.
MODG
oh man. She is straight up a hobo collecting shit off the ground. Contrary to her mother who doesn't respect Zoe, I see this as the gift it really is. Zoe is an artist.
but you're right about the drugs.
sarah
I don't think I can come visit you. If there is crap collected in every corner, I will have no where to go to rock myself into calm and serenity.
Sidenote: My little sister has always been weird. When she was young she went through this huge science phase. She was really into rock collecting, space, bugs, all kinds of bullshit. Everyday my mother would drop her off at school and we would laugh because my sister always made such a production about how heavy her bag was (my mother assumed it was school books and she was a drama queen). This went on for the whole school year. At the end of the year, my mother was cleaning out my sister's bag and realized that she had been carrying her ENTIRE ROCK COLLECTION with her to school EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
Mommy Lisa
That is AWESOME. I hope I find stuff like that in Boo Boo's back pack some day. I am already amazed with what she puts in her little dress-up purses.
BusyDad
HAHAHA! She is just like me. I used to keep the oddest things. I love that "I found it" is a legit excuse to keep anything around. Like they were brought together by fate. Kind of like me and that cigar tube I found walking home from school. I used it to keep action figure weapons in. Destiny.
Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry
oh man. That girl is quite the collector…also, maybe her school should consider sweeping more often?
Just a thought.
(I can't sew, either.)
Ed
And you bought all that?
The only thing she's missing is a $14 in loose change, a roll of small bills and a bottle of Visine.
Chris at yardsalequeen.com
Sounds all perfectly logical to me.
I used to have a cat that liked to carry around balls of aluminum foil as toys – so I think you should save it, in case some day you get a cat and that cat also likes to carry around balls of tin foil.
If a kid was found at our school with a lighter – automatic suspension I think.
gorillabuns
my husband called me a "hoarder" last night.
I took offense to his comment.
designHER Momma
our kids are so much alike. This looks just like PK's "special drawer"…
Catherine Anne
GREAT post!
I am Trish Marie
Jill is totally a baby hoarder. Kenny and I talk about if we should intervene and just go ahead and call the show now. My house is spotless. Like I scrub my grout lines with a toothbrush and bleach on the regular. And Jill's room? There are saved leftover popcorn kernels because you could add water back to those and re-pop them and she is saving them for some such occasion when we and every store runs out of those convenient little bags for the microwave. And because it reminds her of watching movies with friends. Emotional attachment to objects + trash collection = baby hoarder.
Lynn
The cops would know you're not a hardcore druggie because you would have a plastic spoon. Plastic melts.
My daughter is like this too, but we make her clean her stuff out anyway. She hates it (and us), but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.
Elaine A.
Okay, so, first of all I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. Seriously. I love that she didn't tell you about the button because you can't sew and that you put rude after. Totally tickled me. (and I AM REALLY CRYING, I'm not JUST saying that to sound good.)
My Ben is the same way. I finally made him a basket of his own for all his little crap and the real thorn in my side? If they are good all week at school (which he is, dammit) they get to go to "treasure box" on Friday and so he brings home even more JUNK! OY!
I heart Zoe so much.
The Lil Bee
This is one of my favorite posts, yet. I love that she's not only a mini hoarder but is developing a small case of the kleptos, too…those "gym" finds are pretty bad-ass, Zoe!
Jilly
Laughed out loud reading this…many times over.
love
i have a 'collector,' too. it is really, really hard for me. BUT, seeing it is someone else's kid is just plain cute. i like that zoe.