You Can Take It With You. Just Ask Zoe.

posted by on 01/26/2010 | 3,415 comments (leave one of your own)

Zoe is a straight up collector. I don’t want to call her a ‘pack rat’ because I’m not into labels. Open any drawer in her room and you will see various scraps of paper, broken toys, junk mail, pen lids, shoelaces, my old make-up, diaper pins, broken crayons to back up my claim. You might be thinking, “Well, maybe you should clean house more often” and I’m here to tell, you I TRY. I really do. If I attempt to empty that crap out, Zoe is on the scene arguing her case about each item like a defense lawyer. I feel she comes by her collection tendencies naturally and when I say naturally, I mean from my mother. My mother is also a collector. Come over and take a look at my garage, the downstairs where my mother lives and also the basement of the house she still owns. That woman loves stuff. If you are coming over, bring something strong for us to drink because looking at that mess gives me anxiety and you will probably be here for awhile.

This morning I packed Zoe’s lunch and went to toss it into her back pack. I picked up her back pack and realized it weighed a ton. And was rattling.

I emptied it out and let’s review. Zoe’s notes regarding each item are in purple.


  • UPS beanieIn case there’s a blizzard
  • my scarf I thought I lostIn case my neck gets cold in class
  • jar of lip glossYou always need stuff on your lips in Colorado (she’s right)
  • golf ballI found it front of the school and thought Brother would like it (aww)
  • eight pencils and a SharpieYou never know when you might need extras
  • a bag of fudge from DecemberIt was kinda gross
  • tube of CarmexI FOUND IT (she didn’t use it)
  • ticketsI got them for being nice in class and was supposed to turn them in
  • ball of foilI found it in the hallway
  • small hundred dollar bill magnetKayla gave it to me for an eraser
  • braceletMy friend made it for me and I like to wear it sometimes
  • heart barretteI found it in P.E. (I’m noticing a trend)
  • library good citizen award from AugustBecause I always put my books back and don’t yell and run around and stuff
  • combIt’s from picture day, but I lost mine and Trevor gave me his (?!)
  • purple stickerWe used them in art and I didn’t want to throw mine away
  • black buttonIt fell off my coat and I forgot to tell you about it because you can’t sew (rude)
  • broken candy caneIn case I get hungry after school
  • a plastic spoonI used it to eat pudding at lunch and thought I could recycle it
  • a LIGHTERI found it in the gym (it totally works)
  • a business card from a DRIVING SCHOOL (wait for it)-You never know

Let me just point out that if I get pulled over with a spoon, a ball of foil and a lighter in my purse, it is safe to say I would probably go to j-a-i-l or at least get my car searched. I told her if she did go to driving school and learned to drive she needed to get a job. I saw her eyes light up and I know she was thinking of all the crap she could buy. Or at least the amazing stuff she could find on the floor of her work.

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